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Chris Kryzan

September 2000

Dear Chris,

I'm totally confused, I mean one day I'm attracted to a guy and then the next day I see two lesbians on TV kiss and I feel as if that's what I want. I have nothing against guys but the thought of being with one is not that appealing. Maybe it's a phase but I don't want to talk about this to my best friend because I don't want to freak her out. We are both liberal with our ideas about relationships but she's dating this guy and I don't want to risk our friendship over something that could be just a phase or just lack of a boyfriend. I keep hoping that when I go to college I'll figure things out but what if I don't? Can you please give me some advice?

Thanks,

Jenna

******

Hi Jenna,

Don't worry, what you're going through is something that's common for a lot of queer teens. It may be that you're either lesbian or bisexual, and you're just now starting to understand your feelings.

It's unusual for something like this to be a phase, although I know some people would prefer it to be. It may take some time for you to figure things out, though, and for these feelings to solidify. But that's alright, just let things unfold and remember, whatever you discover yourself to be -- lesbian, bisexual or even heterosexual -- they're all just as valid, just as good, just as "normal."

I suspect that, over time, you will get a better handle on your true orientation. The fact that you're feeling attracted to the lesbians kissing is probably some indication of what that may be, however, so you might want to start preparing for that possibility.

So when do you tell your friend? That's only something you can determine. But, if as you say, you're both very liberal, most likely she would be fine with whatever you realize, and she won't be freaked out. No need to tell her until you're ready, of course, but you might also consider if she might help you through this time, as well -- it's always good to have a supportive friend to think things through.

Best to you as you move forward!

Chris

Ask Chris a question, send it to kryzan@outproud.org


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