September 2000

The Meaning of...

It's a funny thing about one of the bookstores here. Someone decided to send the gay magazines right above the jock magazines. I wondered about the craziness of it all.

Earlier that day, I had showed up at the bookstore. It was my day off and I hope to actually just sit around. It felt like the best two hours of my life.

Then this couple showed up. The guy was gorgeous. He was the kind that had the perfect athlete build. Next to him was his girlfriend who was also drop dead gorgeous with darker hair than his (of course, his hair was frosted). I took one look at them and their perfectness. My one thought: He's gay.

Eventually, I decided that I wanted to look at the new magazines. As I headed to where they were, I walked pass the guy. The same vibe that I got earlier from him was still present. In fact, it felt stronger. So out of curiosity, I got the magazines I hadn't read and sat where I had a good view of the shelf with the jock and gay magazines.

The guy showed up eventually. He made a beeline for the shelf. He looked around for a while and finally settle on a few jock magazines. He found a place to sit and started to look through them. I just shrugged my shoulders in surprise and went on reading my magazines. At times, I did look up and wondered what made me think he was gay.

The guy finally got finished with his magazines. He headed back to the shelf. It took him a few seconds to glance around. Then he bent down, put the books down, and looked toward the gay magazines. He took a hand and started to reach toward one of them. I recognized the magazine and held my breath. He started to pick it up.

The guy hesitated for a moment. Then he stopped and wandered off to another shelf. He must have been a psychic because his girlfriend showed up and they hang together.

I watched the guy. All kinds of thoughts ran through me. No truly straight guy would even give a glance to a gay magazine or pick it up. It was obvious that his girlfriend didn't know so why put her through his confusion. I could understand if he was ugly, but this guy was extremely attractive so it's not like he would be lonely if he came out. I just pitied him.

Over the next few days, the image of this guy and his girlfriend stuck in my mind. Is the fear of loneliness so great that some people are willing to saddle themselves with someone they're not truly interested in? How fare are some gay guys willing to go to hide themselves?


Thoughts? Comments? Philosophical debates? Email me at aob999@goplay.com.

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