This is my third article for Oasis, that makes me an honourary veteran writer, I know you are all hanging off my every word...! So I thought I'd write a few things that might interest you that I've been thinking about in the last couple of weeks...
I'm so fucking sick of hearing about the Olympics. Because I live in Sydney, I live and breathe Olympics. Everything on TV is to do with the Games. Anyone reading this who lives in Sydney will agree with me, I'm sure. I'm sick of seeing John Tedious and Jane Nobody carry the torch through Woop Woop. I'm also sick of seeing old Olympians whom everyone has forgotten, light cauldrons. I'm sick of seeing politicians and their relatives run with the burning white stick (duh, what does "NEPOTISM" mean?). I'm so sick of seeing Ian Thorpe (swimmer) and his ugly head.
Speaking of Ian Thorpe, I think he is totally gay. Does anyone else agree? Does anyone else know him? Have you heard him speak? What a shocker. He has a really good body but its a shame he was beaten across the face with the ugly stick. His nose must act like a fin through the water. I shouldn't say that.
If you wanted to carry the Olympic torch, you had to satisfy one of the following criteria:
1. You must be an ex-Olympian and have won a medal.
2. You must have a birth defect eg. one leg shorter than the other.
3. You must be related to someone who can pull strings.
4. You must have saved a life when put in a life threatening situation.
Unfortunately, I, John Everyday Citizen, would not be chosen to run with the torch because I'm not an Olympian, I'm not the son of an Olympic official, I have never saved a life, but I am flat-footed and have been since birth. Does that count? Didn't think so.
Regarding the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras: I would never participate in it, but I don't object to it. If I'm going to make a fool out of myself in the middle of the city and on TV, its not going to be on a float, half naked covered in glitter dancing to some cheesy comtemporary club anthem.
It was sexuality week at my uni (University of Technology, Sydney [UTS]) last week and I was an active participant i.e. I masturbated a lot. No seriously, there were a lot of rainbow coloured balloons everywhere and skinny guys in turtlenecks handing out condoms. At the DESIGN building (where students studying DESIGN study) there was a pink closet placed in the middle of the courtyard for effect. On the whole, it was pretty ineffective; I'm no more prouder to be gay than before. I hear there is going to be a UTS float at next year's mardi gras. Can't wait for that(!)
To all gay men out there who have girlfriends: Break it up, for her sake. She's not going to appreciate having a boyfriend that likes guys. I'm sick of seeing gay guys trying to hit on girls. Its distressing. If only everyone would be themselves!!
I hate boy and girl groups now more than ever.
Congratulations Stephen Gately of Boyzone for his solo career after coming out last year. Possibly the first member of a hugely popular boy band to admit he's gay. Too bad his solo debut is weak and uninspired.
I watched the Savage Garden doco-SUPERSTARS AND CANNONBALLS. I am now CONVINCED that Darren Hayes is gay. All the signs are there: He broke up with his wife, the gay lisp, the effeminate vocals, the line in Affirmation "I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality", the fact that most of his lyrics are androgynous etc etc. Its not a bad thing, to think that one half of Australia's greatest music export is gay.
I'm not disappointed that I may never have children. I don't know why though, I like kids. But who knows. If laws change in the next 20 years, I might have children. I'm not ruling it out.
I saw 60 Minutes when the gay couple who had the twins were interviewed by Liz Hayes. One of them was really nice and the other was SUPERgay. I really hope (for the sake of the children) that the straight acting dad's sperm was responsible for their conception!
I used to hate Madonna's new song "MUSIC" but it's grown on me. Its the gay side of me trying to break out.
I feel sorry for Madonna hearing about her son Rocco being sick. If it's true.
I don't usually listen to heavy dance music. I think its repetitive and lacks creativity.
I get excited when I hear about someone famous coming out and admitting their homosexuality. Don't you? I subconsciously think "YEAH!!! One more on our team!!" It sounds crap I know, but I can't help it.
I think Coke in bottles tastes better than in cans. Anyone agree?
I think Australia and New Zealand should have a common currency.
I believe in karma, what you give is what you get retur-sorry, that's from a Savage Garden song..
I hope you all have a good week.
I really hope by the time you read this that those Russian submariners trapped at the bottom of the ocean are safe and OK in their homes.
That's my two cents. Let me know what you think: email@example.com