October 2000

Everywhere I go, there are amazingly adorable women. I mean, my taste is varied... it's really just what catches my eye... but there have definitely been a lot of women catching my eye. A waitress, someone walking on the street, a patron from work, a fellow employee, my friends (which is odd), girls in the mall, whatever...

This may sound silly but I'm having a fantasy relationship. and it's unintentional. I just seem to keep dreaming of this girl... she's so beautiful, and no matter what the dream is (day dream, a real dream, whatever), there she is. I remember specifically being at a party, sitting outside, and smoking cigarettes all night. There she was, coming out to pull me inside, kissing me, and running back in to hang out with my friends. That, that was scary, but it finally made me understand why I seem to "fall in love" everywhere I turn. I'm definitely hungering for something of a stronger, deeper meaning. I NEED HUMAN COMPANIONSHIP. Particularly of a feminine nature.

This may sound dumb, but I was joking around with a friend the other day, and I said... "I'd rather sleep with a girl, they have more fun stuff to play with." That's not really why, but it makes a point I suppose about my thought process. In general, I find women more interesting by far.

My Hawaii girl has been in my mind a lot. It's an enigma, really. How does one carry on as if they're just good friends with someone, when they know that if this person was within 100 miles of them, they'd find some way to be in their bed? Hmm... no, on a serious note-I really do love her. She has a girlfriend, who she didn't think I knew about, but I did... and she was nervous about it. Truth of the matter? I'm happy for her. I love her so much that the fact that she's happy makes me happy. Perhaps that sounds dumb. But it's the truth.

I know I sound obsessed with sex this month... I'm rather... *ahem* ....preoccupied this month? By the time you read this, I will be eighteen years old, I'll have (hopefully) passed my road test, and I'll be a month into school. All of which are positive things... but I'm still hungering for that human connection. I don't know... maybe next month.

As Always,



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