That's what they call it. What I stand for is assimilation, I guess. The word sounds so harsh. Within the gay circles I am connected to, they look down on me.
"Why hide yourself?" "It's our culture, you know" "Don't let straight people tell you how to live" "You need to act more gay"
It frustrates me a great deal. When I live with the straight people, they tell me I am too gay. I talk about my boyfriends, or rather my ex-boyfriends, and I am willing to say when a guy is attractive. Oh no, this is not acceptable. I must keep that inside. I must keep that in closed doors. The closet MUST be locked.
It's Hell. I change people's minds and understandings, and even get people comfortable with a guy talking about another guy like that because it's just one part of my conversation. Most of my friends hate the fact that I talk about running and D+D all the time.
Then there comes the Gay people.
Oh, the heartbreak it causes me. I don't act gay enough for them. I know NOTHING of gay culture. I don't know gay actors, or the history of drag, or the latest news on the HIV epidemic or what musical is the most provocative.
And funny that so many gay men will hold that against me. I mean 'Be a Nelly,' or Sally or Mary or something. I forget what those boys called me last week.
When was the last time I was looked at for being me? Straight people tell me all the time that if more gay guys acted like me, there would be no problems. Gay men would never dream of acting any less than a "flaming queer" as my straight friends tell me. They change when they come out. When these guys are hiding themselves, they act straight, then they become their real selves. Or is it they need to fit in, just as they did when they were closeted?
I can play either role. I hate them both. I am a good actor, but the directors of either performance sucks. So I choose to be myself (which gets me peace for the most part with the straights). But I am "denying my culture and hiding myself."
I've stopped worrying about what other people think... but it has left me without allies in this world. I do have friends, lots of them now. But I find myself the token gay guy. But it leaves me without a society to be a member of. They say I want it both ways... the heterosexual privilege and special treatment because I am gay. I just want this whole gay issue to be dropped and forgotten about.
I like guys, so what? I also watch wrestling, listen to RENT, and drink chocolate milk and rootbeer.
I think everyone should watch wrestling, listen to RENT, drink chocolate mild with rootbeer, and kiss guys.
Evan James Chasse
Why settle for the lesser of two evils: Vote EJ CHASSE for President!
Peace, Love, Rock and Roll
Oh, BTW, YAHOO SUCKS!