October 2000

I make such a terrific statistic.

I'm a teenager, bisexual, feminist, come from a divorced home, have two stepfamilies, have attempted suicide, and have an eating disorder.

Unfortunately, all that chaos serves to do is make me boring. Or at least, to make me feel that way. Bad is the norm lately, and as terrible as that is, there is nothing we can do with it. We are fascinated by seemingly perfect families, because we do not often see them.

I am sick of being single. I am sick of thinking someone could be the next person I fell in love with, only to have them sneer "lesbo" at two girls holding hands. My pointed looks have always silenced them, and my anger made them remorseful, but it was only on a surface level. They felt bad because they'd offended me, but they didn't change the way they felt at all.

Some gay or bi people say they'd give it back if they could. That if they had any choice, they would be straight, because it's undoubtedly easier. I disagree. I wouldn't give it up for anything-I love the liberation of having the potential to fall in love with any single member of the human race.

Yes, it has its bad points-people who smugly attest that homosexuality is a disease of the mind, just like schizophrenia, therapists who tell me I'm only in denial of the fact that I'm gay, and punk rock boys who ask "If you fall in love with people for their-SOULS-, what's to stop you from falling in love with a dog's soul?"

James Baldwin was a poor, gay, black writer. When he was asked if he felt he was unfortunate in the cards he was dealt, he shook his head. "No, man, I hit the jackpot."

I couldn't agree more.



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