October 2000

I wasn't going to write anything this month, because it's deadline today and I hadn't thought of anything that I wanted to write about. There hadn't been anything special happening in my "gay life" since last time...

But after school today I was with one of my friends and we were talking about keeping secrets. She said that she didn't have any special secrets she hadn't told her friends, and then I said a kind of accidentally "well, I have a big one". And she said "so you're allsexual like Mike" (a guy in our class who has sexual dreams about anything that moves). I just laughed and said "not quite", but I really think she has some suspicions about what my big secret is.

Today I realized that I am ready to tell someone, and that's quite a big step! I have kept this secret for three years without telling anybody, and now I'm not just ready, I really want to come out to someone. I have two other friends I could possibly come out to.

But I don't think they're the best to tell something that's so very important to me. One of them is the kind that won't listen to you unless you tell her to do so, and the other one would probably just say "oh, well" and carry on with doing something else. But I think my first friend, the one who I talked to today, would really be the best. She has no prejudice against gay people and is very sensible, I think she'd be the one to realize that I wouldn't change a bit though she'd discover that I was gay. And if I wouldn't use my opportunity now, maybe I won't get it again, and then I'll not tell her first but some other people that maybe wouldn't take it so well.

So now I have to choose; am I going to take the risk and tell my friend everything about my homosexuality, or am I not?


OK, thanks, bye, bye.



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