Ed Marx

October 2000

Homosexuality: What's everyone complaining about?

Just the other day, it hit me how lucky I am to be gay. 'What?' you ask, positioning your mouse pointer over the BACK button on your browser. But wait, let me list the advantages...

Why it is great to be a homosexual male in a homosexual relationship:

1. You can have a boyfriend who you can disguise as a best friend. (Who hasn't done that? I haven't, but anyway moving on...)

2. You can have guys stay over at your house and not have your parents worried. (That is unless you all have a pillow fight in your pajamas, but let's not go there.)

3. You don't have to worry about having to pay the bill every time you go out, you can take turns. (Unless one of you is incredibly rich, then it is obvious who is obliged to pay.)

4. Because you are both male, there is no need to be chivalrous i.e. pulling out chairs, opening doors (unless you want to engage in role play with him, but let's not go there either.)

5. You know what it feels like to be pleasured sexually as a man, so therefore you know how to pleasure a man sexually.

6. No PMS, or monthly emissions.

7. Because of the corporate "glass ceiling" you both earn more money than a heterosexual couple would in the same jobs.

8. Also, because you are unable to have children together biologically, you will be more affluent because you don't have to rear a family. Though with adoption and legislation changing, this won't be the case soon.

9. You are able to perve on other men in public showers and washrooms. (Don't pretend you haven't!)

10. You can borrow your partner's clothes, toiletries etc.

11. There is no nagging wife in a gay relationship. (Yay!)

12. There is no male/female gender misunderstandings or complications.

13. You can have female friends who aren't worried about you hitting on them. (Though they will ask you if they look fat in a dress. Bummer.)

14. You can have lesbian friends who aren't worried about you hitting on them and you aren't worried about them hitting on you.

15. You often hear in hetero relationships that the male wants to have a night out with the guys and it would be socially unacceptable for the female to come along. In a gay relationship, we can all go along.

16. Twice as much testosterone means twice as much HIGH SEX DRIVE. (No headache excuses in this relationship, thank you very much!!)

17. Lastly, there is something special about two people in love that are of the same sex. I can't exactly explain it, but there is a sort of understanding that you don't find in any other type of couple. Its an incredible turn of events that we are all lucky enough to be able to enjoy this rare type of relationship. The "gay gene" became penetrant and active in all of us-lets just look on the bright side of the outcome of that. Remember my 17 reasons why us gay men are lucky, and forget what everyone else thinks. Its cool to be attracted to men. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, kid.



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