October 2000

Wow! It's Time Again!

Happy month of October to you all. September has been full of lots of interesting events, which you'll hear about later. I just want to, as usual, extend my heartfelt thanks and appreciation to those of you who continue to stay with me on my monthly journey through life. Your E-mails and ICQ messages really are welcome -- don't ever feel like you're bothering me. Like I tell everybody; it's always nice to hear that people out there are relating to my articles and relating to what I have to say. So if you STILL haven't sent me a message and you think you might want to, go for it; I love interacting with people!!!

New School Year

Yes indeed, another school year has come. This year is my senior year, and I hope to make the best of it. There's so much that I'd like to accomplish academically, personally, as well as musically.

The First Day

The first day of school was a hoot! For some reason, and it was not on purpose, I was just a *little* bit of a flamer. I mean, I guess I was just so happy to see all the new friends and stuff, I just let myself get a little carried away. By the end of the day (which was a half day), I was so tired because I had used up so much energy, I just about fell over on the bed as soon as I got home.

"Is Mike still a flamer at school?" is what I'm sure you're all wondering. Well, sorta. I mean, it's not my fault -- I just act the way I act because it feels natural, not for attention or anything like that like a lot of people seem to think. I just do what I do and try not to change myself, no matter what people say.


Ok, ok. I have a confession to make. You'll remember a few paragraphs ago that I said I was really excited about school, which was true. Something that I didn't mention, however, was one of the reasons. I still was excited about seeing friends and stuff, but there are also a few other people that I was excited to see. I'm not sure if I've written in my articles that I, for some unknown reason, go for the younger ones. One to two years is about the youngest that'll catch my eye, however (so we're not getting to cradle robbing, here). So, the incoming freshmen looked particularly...eye-appealing. Sure, there are older kids that I have my eye on, but there are a few very particular freshmen that have my attention. Let the stalking begin (I'm joking about the stalking thing...really!)

Getting Back Into Reality

Over the summer, I wasn't around people too much. Just at various camps and stuff, but not like I'm around people now at school. I've always been a gregarious person, but getting back to being around people again was kind of a shock. I'm not sure if it is just me or what (perhaps you may experience the same thing), but I actually had to watch what I said and stuff, lest I be outed. Plus, reacting to people at first took a little getting used to again. Now, I'm starting to find that groove of things, so the aforementioned aren't big issues anymore.

"I Get Along Without You Very Well"

Once again, I have to throw in a song quote. To make a long story short, I was in love with a guy (he's gay, but he isn't out...but if MY gaydar goes off on this guy, you KNOW he's gotta be gay!) After the normal emotional rollercoaster that goes with infatuation, I got over him. Yes, you guessed it, I've *kinda* fallen for him again. This time though, I know what I'm getting myself into (as far as how he responds to me), and it's not nearly as strong of an infatuation. It's just one of those things where I think, "Oh, wouldn't it be neat to have him as a boyfriend? Let's see what happens when I use THIS come-on technique." It'd be nice to have a relationship with him, but the thought doesn't rule my every waking moment.

If you remember my last article, I said that I looked for that personal connection with a person if I were to pursue a relationship. Well, sometimes these things have to be developed, and I really could see it happening between the two of us, so I'm going to give it a fair chance. If things don't work out, then I won't have a single regret -- I tried.

Fall Fever?

Usually, this kind of emotional stuff happens in the spring (you know, Spring Fever), but for me, it seems to be happening now. Very odd indeed, but I can't help it; I just go along with the flow! *lol* So, sorry if he articles dealing with emotion and love related stuff are growing a little thin with you guys and / or girls, but this is the way that I deal with it. I promise, that next article will be a lot more coherent and deal with something different. Moving right along...

"What Is This Thing Called Love?"

Well, to tell you the truth, it beats the hell outta me, so you're on your own for this one (as if you asked me in the first place). Hehehe. (P.S.: That was another old song title.)

Yet Even MORE Random Ramblings!!!

I'm kinda out of stuff to write, so I'll just ramble on about daily stuff and anything that might seem interesting to share with you...so here we go!

My coworker I think is bisexual. When we were alone, we were talking about different aspects of sexuality (he did most of the talking because when it comes to people I don't know too well, I don't like talking about it very much). He dropped a few major clues as to his previous relationships, so I could safely say by then I got the message loud and clear. After a while he said, "You know, anything I say about my sexuality is strictly confidential." Of course, I knew that, and told him that I wouldn't say anything to anybody else. But, I didn't say anything about me, at least I haven't yet.

I spoke to Anthony the other day (you surely remember him from last article, if not, you should read it). He's doing well, still single, and feeling it. He's getting over it, though. I mean, he wants a girlfriend, but he also likes the single life, as well. He's kinda fighting with his mom, which isn't too uncommon (although from what I can tell, it doesn't happen very often). Coincidentally, I'm also fighting with my mom, and that happens quite frequently. *sigh*

I took my senior pictures on the 14th of Sept. The photo shoot went pretty good, and I got to wear all the outfits that I had wanted to wear. The photographer was nice (about 50, married with kids), but he had a cute lisp. It all took about two and a half hours from start to finish. I get the proofs a week from the photo shoot, and then mom and I get to decide which ones we want to have. THAT'LL be a night's worth of arguing, guaranteed. Heheh.

Now here's a really random thought: I'm a musician, and sometimes I don't like to carry ALL my things with me. Of course, that's why we have roadies. Now THOSE guys are more valuable than you can realize. If you've ever been on a bus for 12 hours then had to carry all of your clothes, music, instrument, food, and whatever else you might have, then you know that you don't really want to do it. That's where roadies come in so handy. Plus, doing all the other stuff that they do, they're super helpful when the downbeat (the time you are to perform) is getting ever so nearer. So that's why I'm going to have a roadie in my band when I'm a pro musician (sorry for getting off of the "subject").

In other news, I'm still happily doing all the things that I like, such as writing music, playing music, listening to music, and all that jazz. School is, well, school. I'm taking on a full schedule this year (something that I hadn't planned), but I have three music classes, which is fun. I have one of the lesbian teachers, who knows about me, which is also very cool. I have classes with that one kid that I told you I fell for (again), and I sit right next to him. We're talking more and stuff, and he's opening up a lot more (before he was very reticent). I'm getting stronger every day so that when graduation times comes, after all Pomp And Circumstance has been played 839 billion times, and after the parties are all over, I can start the process of coming out to the rest of my family. Now THAT'LL be eventful, I can assure you!

I Suppose That's It...

Well, that's all for now. To me, this month's article didn't seem as good as last month's just because this one wandered about too much for my liking, but if you dug it, that's great. Next month, I'll make the article a little more interesting, and like I said earlier, I'll deal with some other issues. Until then, take care.

God Bless,



Mike is a 17 year old, semi-closeted individual living with his mom and stepdad. He is interested in music, computers, music, reading, music, writing, writing music, listening to music, composing music, arranging music, and other music related things. Mike enjoys feedback and would like to hear from you, and can be reached via ICQ: #56413145 or by E-Mail: Mike_17@gay.com

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