continued from previous months...
Well, that's my story. I went from a suicidal misled head case to what I am today, okay. I've still got problems, like anyone else, but with Kyle everything was a lot easier to bear.
I eventually came out. There was no hiding it anymore. Kyle and I were around each other way too much, people just started asking and one day I wrote an essay for school about my homosexuality, which the teacher liked so much she read it to class, with my permission, and word spread like wildfire. I lost a few friends, but only the ones that didn't matter to me. Many of my friends who were girls became better friends with me, which is probably cliche, but they loved talking with me over boys. Kyle was so happy about it, now we could be open in public more. We weren't like making out in the halls or anything, but we did hold hands some. It wasn't as bad as I originally thought, people had liked me enough before that it didn't matter to them.
Alas, however, school must end. Aside from a few surprises that year, it went by pretty smoothly. We did find out who our two guys in the bathroom at the movie theater were, they came out just a little after we did. They were met with more hostility than us, but we helped them through it, and we're all friends now. It was pretty funny to see the look on Jamie's face when she heard the news about her "boyfriend."
Graduation was a trip. I couldn't believe it was really happening. All my family were there, whom all know now, too, I came out to them just before the rest of the school. They reacted alright, a little in disbelief at first, but eventually accepting me. Kyle helped out through all that, too. I loved him so much, the relationship was so much better.
That summer was one hell of an adventure. Kyle, Megan, Scott and I all went to Florida, to the beach, and hung out there for like two weeks. We went to clubs and danced and did a few other things which I won't mention, okay, we got shit-faced a few times. Alright, it was like a twenty-four seven party there, it was great. We did other things as well, went bungee jumping, which I highly recommend, and met all sorts of other kids like us. I didn't even look at another guy, I swear. Well, maybe one or two on the beach, but Kyle was way better than all of them.
I did a lot that summer, all with Kyle. I knew it had to end, however. I was dreading it immensely. Kyle and I had already talked about it, there was no way we were going to try a long distance relationship. Now, we were in love, of course, but it was the teenage love that I think we both knew wouldn't last. You see, I was going off to college, about five hours away. I had made the grades because of all that work I did earlier, when we were all bummed about Jake. Scott was also going off to college, a very prestigious one, and Megan wasn't. She was going to a smaller and closer school. It was really tough on both of them, but Scott's father is strict, and only wants the best for Scott. I know Scott wanted to go, to impress his father and live up to his expectations, but to see him and Megan together, it was as good as if not better than Kyle and I. It was a hard thing for all of us. It was finally happening, though, we were leaving the nest. It was hard, but I told Kyle to find someone else once I left, there was no way I was going to let him get lonely. We were still going to be friends, though, and see each other as much as possible. Man, I was going to miss him. I cried many of the remaining nights of summer, scared at leaving my town and devastated at leaving Kyle. He just held me some nights, yeah, Kyle actually holding me for a change, I just curled up like a baby while he held onto me and I'd cry the whole night. I got better, though, after getting over the initial shock that I was going to leave.
It was the eve before I was going to leave, I called Scott and told him to meet me in the park. I sat on the very same bench where I had first come out to him, and he had supported me ever since.
"Hey." I said.
"Hey." He said.
"Ready to leave?" I asked.
"No. But I will. Two days." He said.
"Tomorrow." I said.
"How's Meg doing?"
"Alright, I guess. I'm not, though, I'm so freaked." He said.
"Yeah, butterflies, but hell, it happens." I said.
"Kyle okay?" He asked.
"He's better than I am, at least. He'll be fine, I know it. I'm gonna miss him, though."
"Of course." He said.
"Of course." I said.
"So..." I said.
"So...." He said.
We looked at each other, I started to tear up, and we both stood up, and hugged. The embrace was tight and fierce, like we were both falling to a death, or about to be shot by a firing squad, or at the end of the world, just before the bomb hit. It was a hug of assurance, not that everything was going to be okay, we didn't know that, but at least that now is okay. This moment, right here, everything is just fine. Our friendship might endure the long distance, or it might not, but the important thing was that at that second, minute, year, whatever, we were the best of friends, you couldn't get better. We had been there for each other through it all, through Kyle, through Megan, through Jake, through everything. And now this was goodbye, goodbye to a year of growing, a year of conflict and resolution, of love and hate, of death and rebirth. It was a year I discovered myself, the year I became comfortable with both the world and me, and found my first love, Kyle. Scott, I believe, found his, too, Megan was the best I'd ever seen him with, the longest and the hardest. I was sure they would one day be together again, true love is like that.
As for Kyle and I? I'm not sure. It's possible, but not probable. I'll find another, he'll find another, the point is that we found each other. In all that midst of homophobia, all that bias and hate and control, we found each other, and we found love. We were put to the test, and we passed. We got each other through the hardest of times, and enjoyed each other through the best.
I may not love Kyle the way I do now forever, but I will always have a place in my heart for him. I will never forget him, I'll always love him. I've got room to love another, but I don't know if I ever will love someone in the same way I love Kyle, the love with a history.
After all that, Scott went his way and I went mine. I headed over to Kyle's to spend my last night in town with him. I would be back, but it'd never be the same. We didn't do anything special, we didn't even kiss, we just laid together and listened to music, the lights dim. I didn't cry, but I felt like it. I didn't because it looked like at any moment Kyle might too, and I knew if he did I'd be lost all night. All he had to do was say one word that night and I never would have left him, I would have stayed at his side forever. He didn't, though, he said nothing to keep me. I thank him now, because I'm sure things have turned out for the better.
The next day was beautiful. It was absolutely gorgeous, blue and not a cloud in the sky. I left that town with the image of my family waiving, and Kyle just sort of standing at the side, smiling. I would take that smile with me wherever I went, as a reminder of courage and love. Maybe someday I'll make a lot of money, and find Kyle wherever he is, and fly him and me to a secluded place, a place where there is no hate, where all our friends can live and we can just have fun and play all day. That's a utopian dream, I know, impossible, and I wouldn't really live so surreal, but it's nice to think of it every now and then, to fantasize.
To dream and go to my forever island, My Island with Kyle.
I really don't know what to say for the final "author's note" for this story. It may not seem like a lot to all of you, but this being the first real story I've ever written, it's everything to me. I'm going to miss writing these characters like missing old friends, and since I've gone off to college, it's a lot like that. Many of these characters were based on people in my real life, although after a paragraph or two they took on their own personalities separate from their real life parallels.
I would like to set the record straight... this story is fiction. Completely. The first few chapters were based upon an event in my life, my coming out to my best friend, but even the details of that were upgraded by imagination. I am the main character, but I'm not. Jack was created from my own desperation, my need for love. Kyle was based on a guy in school I've only spoken maybe two sentences to, someone whom I don't really even know, and I know doesn't know me, yet he made a great impact on my life. It was mostly the looks, but the name Kyle is real and the personality was created from my own desire and idea of a boyfriend. And no, I've never had a boyfriend. This is the kind of story that was written as much for recognition as it was for survival. Every time I felt lonely or down, I would write while listening to music. If you're interested, some of the main musical influences include the ones mentioned in the story, Placebo, the Goo Goo Dolls, Sheryl Crow, the Magnolia Soundtrack (songs by Aimee Mann), and a few others the Smashing Pumpkins, Third Eye Blind, Counting Crows, Fiona Apple, and of course, the song that started it all, Live's "The Dolphin's Cry."
Much thanks to all who helped me through my senior year, and all those who inspired the characters in the story, along with all those who wrote me, in times where I didn't want to continue writing it, and times where I screwed it up a little (the "bathroom buddies" impossible coincidence), all you who took the time to email me, you guys (and gals!!) really kept me going and gave me strength. Hopefully I'll follow this writing bit all the way through, Oasis and it's readers have given me a new prospective on life. Thanks.
This isn't the end of my submitting to Oasis, but I won't be writing anything like this anytime in the near future for it. Rather than give myself a continuing story (and, subsequently, a deadline), I'll just write quick one month short stories with maybe a two parter every now and then.
Well, this is it, thanks to everyone, and see ya again in thirty!
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com , don't forget the "e" in skyenet.net... I know, it's weird.