oasis
columns


Chris Kryzan

November 2000

 

Hi Chris,

I met this wonderful girl who I have been dating, she is amazing. I feel that I really need to tell my parents that I am bi, but I do not know how or if I should tell them yet, because my parents are extremely homophobic.

Always,

Sherry

******

Hi Sherry,

Congratulations, that's great to hear and I'm happy for the both of you!

So what about the parents...

You know, there are several factors that can combine to make it "right" to tell your parents, and having a girlfriend or boyfriend is certainly one of the happier ones. But while it may be the right reason for you, it's sometimes not the best way to break it to your parents ("Hey, Mom, I'm a lesbian and here's my girlfriend.") It can just put the parents on overload, if you know what I mean.

Now the great thing here is that you're feeling very good about yourself and about your relationship. So that probably means you have enough strength to go through what may me a more challenging coming out, given that your parents are extremely homophobic. I suggest taking one thing at a time, and the first step is to share with them that you're bisexual, help them to acknowledge that and understand what it means for you. Then, after they have had some time to absorb that news and deal with it, tell them about your girlfriend and your relationship (and then, you'll be able to describe it as a month or two month-long relationship, too, giving it even more weight).

One of the things you want to be careful to avoid is the accusation that "That lesbian girl made you this way!" and that "You're too easily influenced by others." That's why it's often better to separate the two issues, the two pieces of news, and get through one at a time.

I wish you all the best as you take the first step. And remember, by the way, to have resources for your parents, as well-a book or two, the number of the local PFLAG chapter, and your time to talk more, day after day for awhile.

Take care,

Chris

kryzan@outproud.org


©1995-2000 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.