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Chance

January 2001

'Tis the season to be jolly... and all that jazz. But how happy are people during the holiday season? When you're alone, there's no one to be with, everyone seems happy and in love... how happy are you? Now that we all feel sorry for ourselves, allow me to respond to a few things from last month.

First off, Bethany stole my format from October and used it last month. From now on, she is more than welcome to steal anything she likes. And if she keeps at it, I might just start handing things over.

Secondly, Frances wrote a letter addressed to me. So allow me to respond:

Dear Frances,

You wrote "But what I fear the most is thinking that you have forgotten me." I thought you'd known better. There isn't a minute of any day where you don't come up in my thoughts or my words. How could I forget you when everything I'm around is a living reminder of you? I come home late at night, and my eyes start their descent to deep sleep, and all of a sudden I can see you, lying across from me, laughing at some joke in a phantom movie. That movie and you were there so long ago, but it's as if you never left. My room is a memorial to you. The pictures are of you, every object in it has the residue of your existence in it... even the spots where the paint has ripped off, where the walls need to be plastered, they speak only of you. I turn on my radio, and every song, every lyric; every note is one that's escaped from you. My Winamp seems determined to resurrect you in my house. In random play, song after song, you arrive. Early in the mornings, after nights filled with thoughts that refuse to leave, I can smell you. Like a ghost wraps itself around a home, I feel your arms as they wrap around my waist. My head drops to the warm familiarity of your shoulder, and all at once, like this, with my senses flooded, I am comforted. It is you who comforts me. You remain the part of my life that won't go away. The part of myself that refuses to shut off or quiet down. You are so close to me, you mean so much to me; you are a part of me. In the Me, Myself and I, I think you're myself.

I can tell you again and again that you can soar... but you won't believe me. You can't believe me. I am from a place you've already tapped; I am part of a height you've surpassed. You can fly to places we here only dream of. You are the highest flyer I've ever met, and you're better than anyone I know because of it. You are pure potential. Only you stand in your way. I admire and respect you to levels I didn't know existed before you wandered into my life. You are the icing if my life is the cake, and the cheese inside the wax. What I don't fear is you flying too far away... I know you too well. You'll never fly far enough that you won't come back. I am waiting, at the door, watching you come home to me.

As for this new woman who is your post, I hope she realizes the gift she's receiving when you use her help. She is interacting with one of the most beautiful people this world has ever seen. She's being blessed. I hope she knows how to take care of you. Warn her of your ever-changing moods, your inner strength, and don't forget your inner weakness. She'll need to know if she's to guide you without getting hurt along the way. But also tell her, from me, I've never received a scar from you that wasn't worth the pain. I wear our battle scars as if they were my most prized possessions. I think they are. Everything you've ever given me has been worth it. Everything you are is worthwhile. Please, be certain she knows.

I know you have so much to prove, you've always wanted to prove something to the world. I was never sure where or what you wanted to prove, or who or what to, but regardless... I was certain from the beginning that you could. And, Frances, when you run out of things or people to impress, come back home. Come back to me. I will always await your return; I would wait till Doomsday if I knew you were coming back to me.

I love you.

And now, let me address this month:

The Holiday Season is one of the most fun times of the year, especially if you're in that age group of anywhere from a freshman in high school to a senior in college. Holidays are awesome. Aside from a big break and getting to see your friends, it's just a happy time. At least, it is personally.

But aside from just the holidays, I've been thinking a lot lately. I think it's one of the best times for self-reflection, this season. I think now comes the time when we all make a lot of choices, so I'd like to say, just think about stuff before you do it.

In other news, I'm already tired of typing, this is going to be long as it is, so give me an e-mail, I'm fun to talk to, and if not, then just keep reading, I guess. Happy New Year, folks.

As Always,

Chance

S1mulation@aol.com


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