Victor Dooley

January 2001

By the time you read this article, Christmas will be over. Stockings hanging, ravaged on the mantle, the tree beginning to wilt, needles showering onto the empty packaging below. A new year will also have already begun. 2001 will be here. The new millennium will have officially begun. But I am writing this article on Sunday, December 3, 2000. I am still buying Christmas gifts. I'm still telling my mom what I want for Christmas. Most importantly, I'm thinking about how I want my life to change as the new year begins. I'm wrapping up 2000 and hoping to begin 2001 with a BANG!!

It's that time of year to think about New Year's Resolutions. GOOD GOD, I'm sick of hearing that!! I have goals from YEARS ago that I have yet to accomplish. The one thing that I can hope for in the new coming year is confidence and security in myself. But I don't want to have to wait until next year for it. I would like to get it by Tuesday, if at all possible.

In a way, this article is like a prayer flag. I will send it to the recesses of the Internet and hope to receive some good luck.

I have recently been attending a variety of performances at a local college. They've included a dance recital, an interactive murder mystery, and a book reading. EVERY time I go to one of these performances, I see this guy. He has DARK hair and is probably about 5'11" or so (I'm not good with measuring height or weight!). He is very broad in the shoulders and he has a GREAT smile. Sometimes, we kinda look at each other, and then look away quickly, trying to disguise our interest in one another (or at least I hope it's not just me looking at HIM and making a fool of myself ;) He doesn't seem like a smooth-talking, player-type guy, he just seems like a regular guy, like me. He isn't intimidating, just incredibly attractive. Sometimes it seems like he will come near me, as if he is trying to put me in the right place at the right time, but I have this problem, see...

I am a dork. Let me explain...

I don't know why, but for some unknown reason, I can't force myself to ask him out, or even talk to him. I have never had this problem before. ARGHH!!!!!

So that's my confession. I'm a chicken. And THAT is why I need confidence. HELL, I just need some balls! If he said "no", I wouldn't be incredibly upset, I don't even know him, and at this time in my life (for once) I wouldn't believe that there was something wrong with me or that I was ugly, I would just say "okay" and leave the guy alone. All I want is the...WHATEVER to ask the boy out.

So I'm going to a play at this college on Tuesday. He will probably be there. THAT is why I need this miracle of self-esteem. I will have gone by the time you get this article. It will all be said (or not said) and done (or..well..NOT done).

Confidence is an ESSENTIAL part of life. Without it you lose faith in yourself (or do idiotic things, such as mentioned in this article). I wish you ALL confidence this New Year and hope all of your Christmases were wonderful.

Wish me luck!

Your responses have been GREAT! Please continue to write me at my NEW e-mail address: LilBoiBlue01@aol.com

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