February 2001

"I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words, how wonderful life is while you're in the world.." -Elton John

So, it's Valentine's Day again. A time of love and romance, a time of bitterness and barely masked hatred, a time for commercialism to ring in once more. Albeit, not many people enjoy this holiday. Even fewer people in "our" boat enjoy it. But let's pause for a minute, and really examine why we all hate the holiday. Yes, Valentine's Day can make even the most resolved feel desperately and utterly alone. Yes, when you don't have a sweetheart on Valentine's Day, it can suck. But in the end, Valentine's Day isn't all about just a sweetheart. Valentine's Day isn't all about some fat toddler in a diaper carrying around arrows (umm... can that be safe?) Valentine's Day can be about everything in your life that you absolutely adore. And for the second year in a row, my friends come out on top of that list.

A lot has happened to us in the past year. I don't even speak to some of the people I used to... honestly, as far as I'm concerned, my life is utterly and completely different. (This is what happens when you graduate high school -- if you're not there, get used to it quick, kids.) But there are those who remain. Those who make me wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night. Those who force me to go see a doctor when I'm hurt but being stubborn, those who force me to say what I'm honestly feeling before I explode.

The difference between these friends and the friends that I've left behind or moved on from, is that these friends give a damn. These are the people who remember your birthday, know your favorite ice cream, and know your inner thoughts. People who only see positive things for you in the end. You know who you are. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Aside from Valentine's Day, which I presumed would be a pressing issue, I'm going to say this. I can't change who I am, though at times I wish I could. I can change where I am, but not yet. And because of that, I have to use who I am where I am. I've done the best job I can with that. I don't think anyone else could have handled it any better or any worse than I have. Perhaps, they might have handled it differently. But, again, I am who I am. I can't handle something the way others might have because I am me. The situation I'm in is not unpleasant, although some would consider it destructive. It's not deadly, but it could lead to the wrong path for me. But I've done what I could with it and I'm done now. Things have changed. But what I suppose is the most important thing to realize, is that you have to give room to people who are supposedly changing. Just give us room. Maybe we'll fly up there to you.




PS - Mail's fun. I like seeing that in my mailbox. The porn's getting a little boring, I have no desire to spy on my friends or family, and quite frankly, if I believed I won actual $$, I would want someone to shoot me to put me out of my misery. Write me. I need friends. I need some real human contact. Please?

©1995-2001 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.