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Obviously Queer

by Nicolas Zeto, hephaestion@hotmail.com

"So my mother told my dad that I was obviously queer."

Christian looked up from where he was kneeling. He had been looking through the pages of old battered children's fairy tale book. "Obviously."

"Fuck you...I'm not that obvious." Freddie said and knelt down beside his friend. He grabbed a tissue from his pocket quickly and sneezed into it.

"Did you take you're allergy pill? Don't sit here Freddie. These books are covered and dust and will end up driving you crazy with sneezes. Go sit over there on the chair."

Freddie stood up again and stomped across the room until he sat on the desk chair, " I fucking hate my allergies and I hate being obvious. I hate moving."

"You can't help any of those three things so stop bitching Freddie. Can't you be positive about anything? Why is the glass always half empty with you?"

"Not empty...chipped!"

"There you go again...come on get happy! Here I'm going to play my favorite CD for you." Christian said and got up. He grabbed his backpack and searched until he found the CD-R he burned off during the holidays. The songs were taken off of Napster of course. He was flat broke and couldn't afford anything lately.

"Isn't playing old Judy Garland music obviously queer? How come you're folks didn't say that to you?" Freddie said before having another sneeze attack.

"My parents have more tact than your parents do. That's why. However, you're lucky to be able to come out and not have them go crazy on you. You know damn well what happened to Robbie when he came out. His folks got stupid and sent his ass to that military school to get brainwashed. You read Robbie's letter." Christian went back to the floor to pack the remaining books into the cardboard box.

Freddie shook his head and frowned, "Robbie got ganged up and fucked by those pigs at that so called 'str8' school. Fucking nazi fuckers...bunch of hypocrites. They harassed him for being queer only to take turns fucking him. This shit is crazy Christian. I guess it would be easier to be straight right? You wish you were straight?"

"Can I have this book Freddie?" Christian asked, holding up a hardcover book of Grimm's Fairy Tales that had yellow pages stained with juice.

Freddie nodded. It was his favorite book. However, he knew Christian knew that and that was the whole point of his friend asking for it.

"Answer me...don't avoid the question." Freddie blew his nose and dumped the wrinkled Kleenex in the already overflowing wastebasket. He touched his nose and winced at his sore nostrils.

"To quote a certain idiot rapper, 'I am what I am', and that's that. I am proud of who I am Freddie. I won't feel ashamed in being gay. There's no reason for it. We read that book we found in the library remember? It was The Queer Encyclopedia, which had in it those incredible people. All those people were just like us. I did that report for Mr. Wilkinson's class about the book and the information in it. I was sure that bastard would fail me however he gave me an A. He said it was the bravest report he had read in a long time. You felt good reading about Alexander the Great, Nijinsky and Oscar Wilde."

Christian put the last pile of books in the cardboard box and started to shut it with the packing tape. He looked down as he asked "do you wish you were straight?" Christian couldn't look at Freddie's face as he asked the question.

Freddie shrugged his shoulders and stood up. The entire room was a giant dust bunny because of all the packing. He felt sleepy suddenly and knew it was from the allergy medicine. Freddie looked over at Christian. They had been friends from the moment Christian shared his peanut butter and jelly sandwich during their lunch break at school.

Freddie walked over and sat next to Christian, "This room is a mess. My nose is sore."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Oh Christ! Of course I don't know. Part of me hates the bullshit but if I wasn't then maybe I wouldn't have you and I hate thinking that all right? I sound stupid the pill is making my head woozy." Freddie rubbed his eyes. They itched so much.

Christian pulled Freddie's hands from his eyes, "Stop that you will make it worse." He never let go of Freddie's hands. "You can sleep over tonight?"

Freddie nodded, "My mom wants me out of this bedroom or else she swears I'm going to have some kind of asthma attack or something. Is that ok with you?"

Christian grinned, "You don't have asthma but if that excuse will get you to sleep over at my house I won't bitch about it. Make sure you set up your computer a.s.a.p. when you get to North Carolina. Don't forget to download both Instant Messenger and ICQ in case one is offline we can use the other. What else did I forget to tell you?"

"You like me?"

"I like you a whole lot." Christian said with a smile, his brown eyes were warm and friendly. For a long time Christian had considered as a kid to become a priest. There was something sweet and unearthly about him.

No matter how angry or negative Freddie would be he knew he could look into Christian's eyes and feel a wave of comfort and warmth that was soothing to his soul. There was nobody or nothing that could make Christian evil and petty like the rest of the human race.

"Kiss me?" Freddie asked and pursed his lips.

Christian giggled; "you look like a fish."

"You don't like my lips? Since when? You liked them last weekend." Freddie said with a wink. He knew it would make Christian blush.

"It is one way of shutting you up that's for sure. Stop giving me that look Freddie. We have to pack and your parents are downstairs."

"So? I think it would be kind of hot to fool around while my idiot parents are packing their collection of elephants. Those stupid things only collect dust that makes me sneeze like a madman when I'm down there. I do believe my mother is allergic to dust too. She seems to be afraid to clean her crap." Freddie said and moved his hand slowly inside of his friend's dark blue Henley shirt.

Christian felt the fingers move up toward his nipple. It was a weak spot for him where he couldn't hold back feeling pleasure. He let out a small moan. "Freddie...stop...you're being very bad."

"Shut up and kiss me Chris. I'm going to miss you so much."

They leaned toward each other and kissed. Freddie could taste a little of the peppermint on Christian's tongue from the Lifesaver he was constantly sucking on.

Christian moved his hand up Freddie's thigh until he touched the growing bulge. The majority of the size of it was the over-sized denim that Freddie loved to wear low on his hips.

They pulled apart and looked at each other. Christian lowered his head and then suddenly got up. "I better start getting the stuff out of the closet. There are probably million dust bunnies in there also."

Freddie felt the hot tears burning his already itchy eyes. He clenched his lips tightly and tried to look everywhere but at Christian.

"Freddie?"

"No matter what Christian we won't say good-bye. This isn't a good-bye. My mom says that if things don't work out in Belford; we will be back again. They're not even going to sell the house so that proves how things probably won't be permanent." Freddie didn't want to cry but he couldn't help it. The only person he would ever allow to see him cry was Christian anyway.

Christian clutched the doorknob of the closet. In front of his face were the many pictures of the various actors and singers he and Freddie considered cute and worthy of devotion. "You're right...this won't be good-bye. We're soul mates anyway. No matter what...no matter where you go...I will always love you. If we can't be together now we can be together one day...in our next life."

Freddie opened his mouth to speak but started to sneeze again. It wasn't after 5 steady sneezes that he finally stopped.

"Fuck! I hate these allergies so much. Let's get out of this damn room before it kills me."

Christian smiled and watched Freddie rub his eyes again. "Stop doing that before you rub out your eyelashes or something. You're nose is bright pink. People will probably think you've been doing some drug or something?"

Freddie shrugged and walked toward the CD player to turn it off but took a moment to listen to the music. It was the highly recognizable voice of the great Louis Armstrong singing:

Give me a kiss to build a dream on

And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss

Sweetheart, I ask no more than this

A kiss to build a dream on

Give me a kiss before you leave me

And my imagination will feed my hungry heart

Leave me one thing before we part

A kiss to build a dream on

When I'm alone with my fancies...

I'll be with you

Weaving romances...

making believe they're true

Give me your lips for just a moment

And my imagination will make that moment live

Give me what you alone can give

A kiss to build a dream on

Freddie turned to Christian and opened his arms, "Give me what you alone can give me."

Christian smiled and walked into Freddie's arms. In the small Floridian town where they lived there weren't queer youth clubs. They would never dare to dance together at the school functions either. However, the music seemed perfect. For a moment the cloud of dust that seemed to hover in the small bedroom appeared as the glitter of a disco ball.

Christian held Freddie tightly as they danced to the deep voice, which sang the words that seemed to say exactly what they felt. At least for that moment, no one and nothing existed but the music, their bodies and the obviously queer love they felt for each other.

The end


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