March 2001


I'm kinda sorta maybe partially seeing this guy. On an exclusive basis.

It's a tangled little web.

It's been going on for a few months now, and we're both lovin' it. He sends me cute little emails and tells me how fabulous my ass looks. But he's got a flaw. A major flaw. It's called a wife.

We've been doing this 'thing' that's we're doing since December. It was starting to take its toll on me. Someone once told me that these things never end pretty, they just end. After last night, I'm more resolved that if someday this does end, it will end pretty. Gosh, that was the stupidest thing I think I've ever put down on paper.

Last night we sat in the parking lot of my current employer and talked. For 2 hours. Just talking. It was so awesome. We talked all about the things we had been just glossing over, not letting in. And I asked him one of the hardest questions I've ever had to ask, and probably one of the hardest questions he's ever had to answer.

I asked him "Why?"

I didn't realize at the moment I asked it, that it held such power. Even when he answered "I don't know..." I still hadn't gauged the full depth of what I was asking.

The "why question" was layered. That I knew. Why are you cheating on her? Why do you like me? Why are you being like this to me? But as we kept talking, without realizing it, he said what he was really thinking all the while.

He told me that asking why was actually asking him to explain why he's been like this for so long. That question demands he account for his feelings, and for reasoning of a topic that none of us are sure about. The nature of sexuality and the ability to love.

I am such an ass.

Why couldn't it be possible to love more than one person? People do it all the time, all over the world.

"Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs, Ladies and Gentlemen---

Is it a crime to fall in love?

Can we ever tell where the heart truly leads us?

All we are asking is eine bisschen Verstandnis--

A little understanding--

Why can't the world 'leben und leben lassen'?

'Live and Let Live'..."

Well then, I'm sure ya'll out there have tons to say about this one. Hope to hear from ya.

Later campers,


Elliot, 23, resides in Boca Raton, Florida, home of the rich and the rude. You can check out his site at http://elliotlane.editthispage.com and email him at kalelliot@hotmail.com. Remember that he has feelings too.

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