Jason Hoffman

March 2001

baby's on fire
better throw her in the water
look at her laughing
like a heifer to the slaughter

</Velvet Goldmine Mode>Oh, shut up, Brian. Really, shut up. You turned out to be a big assmuch anyway. No, Brian, don't leave, you're too pretty to ditch me.</Velvet Goldmine Mode>

"A organization for gay teens by gay teens to assist them in coming out." Would that there would be an organization for gay teens by gay teens that pairs up the sex-starved ones with a date. Actually, there are a lot of those, so what the fuck am I talking about? I don't know. Do you?

(BTW, please don't think I'm mocking coming-out organizations by being a big raunchy slut about it above. Those resources are sorely needed, and if you're part of them I absolutely salute you.)

Baby IS on Fire this month, if for no reason b/c it's just earth-shattering-change-all-over-the-place so far. My sluthovel of a dorm room was cleaned (by me, thanks) today, and already I feel content and blissful and ponder implementing the ideas of Feng Shui and lighting my room with lovely zen colors. Then I realize I only have like a little over three months left, and ponder the point of it all.

I have a new love. His name is Edward. Edward is strong, silent, and sweet. He also can't be allowed in the dorm due to residential policy. Edward, you see, is a black-footed ferret. A friend down the hall, Lisa, has retained Edward's love and fealty by buying him at the pet shop (aren't they endangered?), and is covertly caring for him. Our RA probably knows and doesn't care, but if she outright sees him she will have to regulate. In the meantime, we play with Edward and give him love in dark corners and behind closed rooms (not like that, you sick fucks). As I cleaned my room today, Edward began to eat my jeans. Oh, Edward. I love you.

Earthshattering Change No. Deux:I am now a beautifully artificial blond. Finally. We have taken pix, which I will endeavor to scan and post up. I rather love this look. Mmmm. We should've done this long ago.

I mentioned gay dating service up above, and let me clarify why I don't take advantage of those resources. Mostly, it's because I *really* don't want to get stuck in some service which is all about quickies or full of crazy people --which is not to say they *are,* but hey. I'd rather meet someone organically, within my own life and outside of some procedure. Plus, I don't want to meet Henry, 25, 6'1, 150 lbs, has Domineering Phobic Father fetish/roleplay-issues and plays knife games. Tu comprende (I slaughter the French language) ?

So. MTV's Hate Crime Name-Roll. Bo-ring. Too little, too late. The Matthew Shepard movie wasn't terribly good. And the name-roll, while a nice gesture and guaranteed to cause hysteria (or at least make me giggle with girlish glee) when 13-yo girls turn on MTV expecting 'N Sync and get 'Christopher, 16, Texas, killed by drunken football player,' was MTV rationalizing its own actions. They won't stop promoting the artists they decried during the day and a few hours. They won't stop playing the videos. They won't make a change on their wimpily 'neutered-&-neutral' stance on anything and everything taboo--and the whole point of MTV used to *be* taboo.

Fine, Eminem's a good artist, he's an interesting writer, though I find his personal story repugnant and think, like so many artists, he'll burn himself out and get himself killed (or kill himself) too young, and, like the wimp I'm sure you now think I am, just don't think some of the lyrics are necessary and paramount to the message or the stories he wants to tell. Do I listen to him? No. Do I understand why some people do? Sure. Doesn't mean they have to play him all endlessly in lieu of all else. If you're going to take a stance, make sure it's one that lasts beyond 4 PM the next day. You want to promote awareness? Play Ani DiFranco. Oh, wait, nobody asks for her on TRL, or R.E.M., or anyone or anything else questionable.

MTV took this opportunity to try to rationalize--to NOBODY but themselves--their rotation and airplay selections, and their neutrality. And if you have to convince yourself of it of your, ahem, *conviction,* there's a problem. And after 4 the next day, they considered their point made, their work justified, and they said 'okay, back to work.' That's the kind of bullshit a kid pulls with their convictions to get them through the day. And it didn't work then either. Yes, MTV, you're just such altruists. Get over yourselves and play me some Pet Shop Boys, or shut the *FUCK* up.

Just watched "Manhunter," the 1986 adaptation of Thomas "Silence of The Lambs/Hannibal" Harris' "Red Dragon," which comes before both of those books/films, and features Hannibal Lecter (well hello clarice) , albeit played by Scottish actor Brian Cox (you saw him as the cantankerous old headmaster in "Rushmore," and he's very different here). "Manhunter" is directed by Michael Mann, who directed "Heat" and "The Insider" and also bears the dubious distinction of creating "Miami Vice." And yes, at the time this was made "Miami Vice" (and the soundtrack all our parents owned, including mine--I used to think it was the coolest soundtrack ever) was in full swing and definitely influencing this flick. But don't let that get you down. "Manhunter" is excellent, particularly from a film student POV, thanks in large part to the writing and Mann's excellent direction.

Cinematography's wonderful, too. I know, I know; you've been waiting to hear about Lecter. Well, I'll tell you. Brian Cox does an excellent job. He's not Anthony Hopkins, and *nobody's* Anthony Hopkins as far as Lecter is concerned, but goddamn it, Brian Cox came first, and he does a really, really fabulous job as well. He reminded me a great deal of a middle-aged Spike from "Buffy," at least in inflection, but don't let that scare you away. There's a pretty new extra-laden DVD of "Manhunter" out now. Go check it out. And let's all gab about "Hannibal" next month.

"Temptation Island." Hate it. Love it. Can't stop watching it. Dreadlocked White Girl Mandy is such a slut. "I can't believe Billy would strip for those girls," she moans and sobs. "Does our relationship mean that little?" This is a day after she willingly allowed said Billy Boyfriend to see a tape of her getting smashed with Huge Anonymous Nubian Stud, then allowing Stud to molest her and molesting him back, then taking body shots off Stud and letting Stud take shots off her. Um. Yeah. Shut up, Mandy. I particularly like the couple in which one half, Kaya, the guy, is obviously gay, and much prettier than his gf. You may doubt me now, but you won't when you see him gyrate his hips and howl "ride the rodeo!" Oh, "Temptation Island." When will you stop tempting me?

I won't even talk about "Survivor" this month. All I'll say is I still love and worship it above all else (and my God, Kel was cute until they voted his ass off).

I am in love with Digimon:Digital Monsters. I will admit it. It's all my RA's fault; she put Digimon crap on our doors at the beginning of the year. I started watching it when I was *really* bored over winter break (all my friends at school, except Mike--hi, Mike!) , and somehow this sick addiction has carried over into February. Shudder. I know it's a really, really silly and stupid kid's show. That's why I watch. It's just so fucking silly. It's the same reason people watch Scooby-Doo reruns. Plus, it's so much fun to turn the sound off and synch it up with, like, Marilyn Manson. Occasionally, it's even funny--the characters say the most hysterical non-sequiters.

"Is this the operator?"
"No, this is the Digimon."
"Oh, I've heard about you."
"Oh. What have you heard?"

Okay, *I* found it funny. No, don't click out of the article. It's going to be okay. Never mind.

People I Must Defile Before I Die:

And the list goes on and on. Sorry for sharing that. Oh, I can just see Momser and Dad now (they read this, you see--*scandal!*).

Well, this month's was devastatingly inconsequential and insignificant. Sorry to all the kids out there writing good shit, and sorry I went missing last month; was sick and forgot to rewrite column. C'est la vie, Polly Magee.

god sometimes you just don't come through...

jase (...and then I see you.*)

* = actual lyric from live tour, so screw u.


Jason Hoffman is a bisexual nineteen-year-old Film major and freshman at the College of Santa Fe in Santa Fe, New Mexico. He originally hails from the bonny gravel and mud of Washington, D.C, or more accurately Chevy Chase (yes, you heard right), Maryland, a suburb just outside the city, which lives up to its reputation as a bourgeoise fascist paradise. He is overly single and hugs his stuffed monster Blinky and girl friends for vicarious comfort. Ask him about Peter Gabriel, Bjork, or Tori Amos and get a kiss. He loves "Buffy," "Angel," "The Exorcist," "Twin Peaks," "Labyrinth," and lots else. Jason is by trade a writer, screenwriter to be exact, but you wouldn't know it from his lack of output. E-mail him (me) at jaseybrite@aol.com.

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