March 2001

And You Thought You Got Rid of Me

By ProzaKRaver (Formerly MrPostman)

Hello! After a long break, I'm back with a new penname and ready to delve into the story of my life, and pull out some small nugget to share with you and perhaps make us both feel better!

Many of you probably read some of my past articles that touched on everything from unreturned love to unwilling "outings." Perhaps you recall my struggles with who I thought was "the love of my life," B.T. or my relief in finding "Kindred Spirit" after being "outed." I sure had an emotional roller coaster that year! Truth be told, I've had an equally eventful year this past 365 days.

To begin with, I should let you know B.T. is in the past. Yes, I was in love with him, and yes, he will always hold a special place in my heart, but there comes a time when you have to preserve yourself and let go. It took a while, but I did it. I saw some people casually in my "cool off time." I raved a little more often (which is reflected in the change in moniker) and just enjoyed life.

In that time, I've discovered something great. It's called PRIDE, SELF-ESTEEM, SELF-CONFIDENCE, or whatever other psycho-babble word you want to put on it. I deserve to be happy! You deserve to be happy about who you are! Do not allow a heterosexist culture dominate your emotions. I promise you that it gets better!

My own experiences are proof that the sun does come out tomorrow. Shortly after I came to terms with the fact that real love was never to happen between B.T. and I, someone new came into my life. My "Dangerous Angel" and I have been happy together for over five months and everyday, I grow more certain I couldn't have survived this past half a year without him. For those who don't know, my mother moved away January of my senior year in high school. That was thirteen months ago. I've been on my own ever since. The first seven months were full of depression and hopelessness over issues out of my control. Now, when I've learned to accept that which I cannot change, and accept myself, things seem to be falling in place. They will for you too!

Get out of the routine! Don't stay in your depression! If you can't change aspects of your life, don't let that dis-empower you! Accept those things as unchangeable, and get up! "Fly again!" I have faith in you! And though you may not believe it, there are other people who have faith in you. You are their future. Your success is my future. You living and having an impact will affect me. Continue to fight for me. Stand up for who you are and who we are. You are not alone.

I'm tired of hearing all the negative number like how one out of three suicides are attempted by gay youth. It gives us such a negative outlook. It's not all bad. I promise you, even if you are depressed, it's not always going to be like that. Even if you can't be out in your home or school, be as "out" as you can be. Be "out" to yourself, by being proud of who you are. Don't be part of the negative statistics. You are part of a growing number of youth who are out and proud of who they are! Stand up and be counted as a healthy and happy queer.

For me, all this may seem easy to say. Things are going my way now, but I once was where you were. It took someone telling me that they would be there for me no matter what to get me to come out of my shell. So, I'm telling you, "I'll be there for you!"

***About ProzaKRaver***

You may have read some of his material in Oasis when he wrote under the moniker "MrPostman." After a year break, he returns to share a chunk of what matters most to him. ProzaKRaver is a 19 year old college freshman in Michigan, and he enjoys theater, dancing, movies. Email him at webmaster@queerravers.zzn.com and visit his webpage at http://www.queerravers.zzn.com Check out his future articles about religion, hate-crimes, and a list of helpful queer youth resources.

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