March 2001

Apparently the confusing times I had thought were over were, well, not (see my August column). Yes, that's right, things have just gotten more complicated and (following an all-too-recent boo boo) I'm starting to panic. I suppose I should pick up where I left off.

After the awkward moment in July when my parents found my secret notebook (anyone else keep these?) and my outing to my best friend (after which I immediatly retreated to my closet yet again and told her that I had merely been confused), I resolved to forget about relationships and to not pursue any feelings. I was to be a monk. Unfortunately for me, however, denying one's feelings is no easy task.

School started and I continued reading Oasis and going about my life as though I had no secrets. Everything was great. Everything, that is, except Ethan. Have you ever met a straight guy that was just so much nicer to you than everyone else? A guy that was so perfect in the way that he acted that everyone (EVERYONE) liked him and you found yourself actually getting chills every time you thought about him? This is what I've had to endure this year: the forbidden fruit (actually, it's that fact that he's not a fruit that's the problem I guess). To wish that you could tell someone something and not ruin your life (yes, I know that being open does not necessarily ruin one's life, but I'm just not ready) but realize that it's not possible is one of the worst tortures in the universe. Oh, now I'm sad again.

Anyway, that's what I've faced. Nothing major, really, until tonight. How many of you really like the stories that (a/we)re posted here at Oasis? I loved them (especially the MIWK series). So, not wanting to wait full months inbetween, I found some other sites by other teens (at least, I think so) and began reading more stories. I mean, they really help to ease the feelings of confusion or freakishness that we feel and give us something to hope for. However, when someone who frequents these sites accidently types in the address into an IM to one of his closest friends instead of the address window, it can really cause trouble. I really think that I was close to having a heart attack when I did this tonight. I only thank God that she didn't go to it right away and wrote something about the name sounding cool before trying to access it. I started shouting (well, as much as one can in an IM) and supposedly got her to stop before she went there. Still, what are the odds that curiousity won't take over eventually. She left soon after. I am mortified. What am I going to do? Anyone else with stories like this PLEASE email me and tell me what the outcome was. I need to go; I have a headache.

I guess this means I'm coming out of my closet again to write some more columns. Until next month then.



©1995-2001 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.