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Audie

April 2001

Hey people... WOW, it's been a whole month. I turned 15 in February, forgot to update that last month...

So anyway... This school year is going by so fast... In 2 months we'll be out for summer. That means, no more seeing Toni every day. But oh well, I'll get over it..

Anyway, that wasn't the point I was going to make this month, acceptance for who we are... We all want it, we all feel we need it, but do we ever have it?? Probably not!! But anyway, the world today revolves around looks... "OMG she's so hot... OMG she's so fat... OMG she's ugly" You all know what I'm talking about... We all do it... But in the end, is what's on the outside THAT fucking important? Maybe I just say that because I'm ugly, but I doubt it... But hey, who's perfect? The pretty people might have a lot to hide... Bulimia, anorexia, depression, self consciousness, the list could go on... I mean we're all people right? (this is the point where you nod your head in agreement)... And we don't do it with just looks... Being gay... or different in anyway, is kind of shunned upon by our society, people tell you to be different, then when you are they laugh... The saying "you laugh because I'm different... I laugh because you're all the same" comes into play here... How true is that????

Freedom of speech... being told we can express ourselves anyway we want... Can we really do that??? Ummm... No... every time we put stuff in paper... it gets edited... They could take out a really good point... If we really have the right to say what we want to say, why do protestors (even the non violent ones) get arrested?? Why do we edit our papers?? Why are we so afraid to say what we think??? What are we afraid of?? Rejection, criticism, being looked down upon... The list goes on on this one too.

My little sister is judgmental, to the extreme, I had Toni over the other night (she looks like a guy), and my sister was like "you're too young to smoke... You look like a guy, are yew sure you're a chick??" All this stupid shit, that made me feel really bad... I think it just pissed Toni off, but I don't know... I'm scared to tell her I'm bi, because I don't want her to HATE me!!! She's 8 years old and she's already got a thing against gay people. she wasn't raised like that... I don't know where she gets it from. I asked her what she thought of gay people... her reaction a wide eyed look and "Ewwww that's nasty and dumb!!!" I wonder if that means I can never tell her I'm bi??? Oh well...

I was reading an article a few months ago by some guy who said if he weren't gay he'd be a homophobic person. That confused me a little... But I think I understand now... It's all in acceptance... We don't want to accept things that are different, and if we were straight... being gay would be different and weird in our eyes... maybe... but me being a nonjudgmental person could probably care less, but maybe I wouldn't be so nonjudgmental if I was straight, ya know? I think being gay opens our eyes more and we see things a little more clearly. I mean straight people can too, it's just a little harder for them. (I hope not offending anyone... I'm sorry if I am, I'm just giving my point of view on what I've seen in my life... no anyone else's).

So anyway, See yew kids next month!!!

Luv n luck,

Me

Feel free to email me at no_one_wants_me@teenagedirtbag.com with comments or just random shit that comes to mind... those are always fun, lol.


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