April 2001

One More Time

Well I have turned 22 now. Yes, I am another year older. Seems like yesterday I was only a kid with plenty time to have fun. The summers as a child seems like they were endless. Now, as I look back on it, the summer holiday from school was only 64 days long. 2 short months. But as a child, that's an eternity. Now as an adult, I wish there was 26 hours a day and 8 days a week... if only...

A Note To the people in my area who read this and then feels obligated to copy and paste or spread around what I write to others and try to embarrass me like you do. Fuck off and get a life. I am proud of who I am and what I write!

A Bastard

The letter I wrote to myself last month turned out to burn me. I sent a link to the article to the guy it concerned. Only his roommate was at the computer when it came and his roommate read the article and then decided to copy and paste parts of it onto the gay.com chat channel I go into all the time. It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. Those people who knew me really got a glimpse into something they were not supposed to see. I am proud of who I am and what I write, however there is a time and place for everything, and what I choose to share with someone should not be broadcast to everyone I know. But my favorite quote from the movie The Breakfast Club: "...What do you care? You see us as you want to see us...in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions...."


Pride: (n). the state or quality of being proud; too high of an opinion of oneself, worthy self esteem.-ful a. to pride oneself on (upon) to be proud; to take credit for.

That is the definition of pride in the dictionary. An older gay man said to me the other week that he feels that gay men should be discreet about who they are, and not be open about being gay. I said why is that now? He said that the public gets the wrong impression about gay life. He went on to bitch about how TV shows such as will and grace and queer as folk give heterosexuals the wrong impression of who and what its like to be gay. He then went on to attack my beliefs that being open meant that I was a sissy femmy boy type gay man. This man was out to lunch. I mean I am clearly not a femmy sissy boy, I have a very masculine build and a somewhat masculine voice, as well. This conversation with the guy quickly escalated into and full scale argument about being proud of oneself and who you are as a person. He made the comment that he will share that he is gay with only those he cares to tell, so why broadcast it and let the public think he is a stereotype? Well, I said to him, that I only care to call those who would know the difference a friend. That was the end of the argument; he had nothing to say after that point. Although over the course of the discussion he contradicted himself several times by stereotyping me into the role of a sissy femmy flamer. just because I am openly gay. My point exactly... hello pot this is kettle calling...

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

The other day I ran out of film for my camera. How could I be out of film I asked myself? I had bought 15 rolls at the Costco last time I was there... 15 roles of film taken in an 8-month time. Wow, I truly am adducted to taking pictures. A true shutterbug I thought. This brings me to a question I have for you: Have you ever looked at a picture? No. I mean really looked at a picture? Not what the picture is of, the details it what makes a picture, the background, thing such as the sky, people in the background, the blurry image in the corner.... all of this makes a picture. I have this picture of me and my friend Melissa up at my cube at work. The picture was taken August 22, 1998, I have looked at it countless thousands of times. But the other day I really looked at it. I held it close up and looked at the background details. I noticed a lot. I noticed a butterfly on a flower, I noticed another friend Thomas off to the side and blurry, I noticed details about me, I noticed details about Melissa. A picture IS worth a thousand words... A thousand memories... Now I have a new appreciation of my thousands of photos I have taken over the last 4 years. Every one is a masterpiece, no mater how bad I think it is. If I look at the detail. It's beautiful.... life is beautiful

Well that's all for this month



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