April 2001

Well, here it is. I don't really have a set topic this month, but I am going to split this into two parts: the unimportant stuff, and then a couple of important things I am thinking about,

(kind of)Unimportant stuff:

I got my orange belt, in taekwondo! I got a part in the pit orchestra for my school's annual play, Oklahoma. I am the only violinist. Because I can't play like 20 violins, they are going to mic me and I'm scared absolutely stupid. If I goof up at all it will be broadcast through several gigantic speakers! I hope I don't goof, because I've been known to curse under my breath. [good music, music, music, goof-up, *(&%$&*^%^&! Piece of *^^%&^%&^, music, music,.....]

Important stuff:

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO WRITES ME! I really enjoy getting e-mail from people, even negative ones [but you don't HAVE to write negative ones]

I have a new friend at school. I trusted her enough to tell her I was Bi [it was whispered so our friend next to us wouldn't hear.] and she looked at me and said "hey, we're two of a kind!" Talk about a surprise!

For the first time since I realized I was bi [right around Christmas] I saw this guy and now I have a crush on him. sigh. Unfortunately for me he is, of course, straight. [you know the saying girls have 'all the good ones are gay.' well I'm starting to think 'all the good ones are straight'] It's kind of sad. Even if he weren't straight I am convinced I'll never have a [smile] significant other. I am pretty much overweight and thus 'out of circulation'. Damn.

For as long as I can remember I always thought it would be cool to have a large house, some land, lots of cool electronic crap and many, many kids. Bow I realize I'm bi, it occurred to me that I might fall in love with a guy. If I do I obviously can't have children. How does everyone else deal with that? I'd really like to know.

Also, how does everyone deal with the homophobes out there? I was just thinking about this weekend [for you guys who are reading it later, the weekend of 3/9-3/11] and I have a campout to go on. It's called the potawotami hike [also affectionately known as the pot hike] and having to don my boy scout uniform. I have a problem doing this anymore. I completely agree with BSA's ideals and such, but I disagree with a lot of their other policies [banning gays and people of religions other than judaism, christianity, and buddhists] and yet I keep putting on the shirt. Does this make me a hypocrite?

I hope it doesn't, because I don't want to quit [makes me even more of a hypocrite, doesn't it?]. I have great fun [not to mention a friend of mine is apparently bi because we have more private fun in our tents :)]

Well this is probably all I'll write this month. It always seems so short when I'm done, then it does on the site. I have a paper to write for Spanish class tomorrow and I have to practice my music for rehearsal tonight.

Remember to write me!



P.S., in case you read this, Obi-Chan, Thanks so much for encouraging me to tell my best friend. Without yours and Creslin's encouragement. I'd probably have never told.

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