oasis
columns


Mike Smith

April 2001

Touching Tangents: Macho Homophobic Sexist Bullshit.

I was sitting in my room and wondering what the topic of my column would be. Then a bunch of fraternity boys who, where acquainted to my roommate who is in this fraternity, burst into my room and began to talk to one another. Here is the conversation: (THIS IS A REAL FRAT COVERSATION)

Frat#1: He dude Wassaaaaa!!!!!!(Like the Budweiser guys. Already I want to jab number two pencil in my ear.)

Frat #2: WASAAAAA!!!!!!! (Urge to kill rising!)

Frat#3: WASAAAAAA!!!!!! (RISING!)

Frat#4: Did I tell you about last night? (Ah some good ol' conversation)

Frat#1: Oh yeah dude that girl?!

Frat#4: Yup (proudly) she wanted to suck my Cock. (Lovely...)

Frat#2: Yeah but that guy Cock blocked you! What a faggot.

I knew then what I had to write about.

You see it everyday. Macho men trying to hump each other for dominance. Waving their dicks at one another yelling, "Hey mine is bigger than yours!". Guzzling beer and puking and pissing on one another and saying, "That was so cool dude! I puked in the washing machine." For these reasons we can laugh at them. Macho is not a problem, a normal everyday asshole is tolerable... but a macho asshole? No can't deal with it. Especially when they start throwing insults around. "Faggot" They say with a slight laugh and a point. I would really like to grab these peoples fucking jock straps and pull it up there ass and out of their mouth and tie a nice bow around their head... but we aren't going to do that. Because as we all know violence doesn't solve violence. So what do we do? I say this to these people weather they listen or not you will feel better once you have said it. It goes something like this:

Jock #1: You're a faggot...

You: Your point? And the correct term is (Gay or homosexual or Bi) choose one.

I know it sounds like a stupid, but it works for me. I have luckily only encountered this problem once and it was someone who was drunk. So Ladies and gentelspoons, ignore the large apes. You are more open-minded then they will ever be. Be loud and proud. Show that you are confident that you are what you are and that this big ugly asshole is more insecure than you.

Write me mail people!

Love you all!

-Mike

Pacand@aol.com


©1995-2001 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.