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Aztec Yhessin

April 2001

Somethings

We had this game.. a joke, rather. Something that was just between us. Something that we never completely expected to see come to truth and actuality.

She is a large fan of Stanley Kubrick. I think the first time she ever sat down to watch a movie with her father, she was 3 years old.. and it was 2001: A Space Odyssey.

And we waited.. for the year to come.. to see if the truth would come. And as promised, without any refrain, the clock struck 12... and life has never been the same.

I needed to get this out.. and my thanks goes to Jeff for allowing me such the possibility.

The Space Odyssey

I have been through the 3 toughest months of my young adult existence. I've said that before, but this is different, really. Three years from now I'll be saying the exact same thing, but that's okay.

Ever have those moments, discussions, breakthroughs where you realize that your family makes complete sense.. and you've just been diluting yourself for years, trying to come up with complex reasons, and explanations as to why such attitudes were taken up by various members because you couldn't simply accept the simply truth?

Even the people closest to you, the people that seem the most perfect, that you don't want to admit are flawed - have limitations, hold grudges, and they are completely justified in being so, and then again not.

So, what's the verdict?

Here it is...

Aztec Yhessin, known as another name to his friends, known as yet another name to his coworkers, and currently trying on different souls, size to fit, you break you buy, is completely and utterly accepting of his own allodoxaphobia.

It could be worse. I could be wandering the streets in search of refuge; that one poor soul that would take me in and help ease the all the androphobic considerations.

I could be dreaming in a waking world, walking through life, listening to the impulses insistent from the persistent angrophobia, completely at a loss on how to quench the needy requirements to beat all the incessant callings of anuptaphobia.

I've spent my entire life developing atelophobic tendencies, constantly questioning whether or not I have been accepted, or will ever be accepted into a culture of obsessive cacophobics.

And should I conquer that creeping chorophobia, or listen to it whole-heartedly, and encompass all my cenophobic suggestions, covering all such things as my dishabiliophobia, erotophobia, and eremophobia, as simply being a general calling of cherophobia.

I would like to have the chance to work all of this out in time, but that seriously clashes with my uncontrollable bouts with chronophobia.

And it all could be just as simply passed onto my genophobia, but I think everything is more associated with my timeless obsession with gerontophobia. But doesn't everyone have a tinge of that?

So I sit here, growing older, becoming more wise. With each passing day, more things make sense in my life, and less things seem simple. But I can't shake that feeling that the metathesiophobia is creeping across from me, invisible and waiting to attack.

And I try to keep my head clear. I try to work all of these thoughts and feelings out. I take moments for myself, for I conquered my nyctohylophobia, and that helps.. but my restless insecurity keeps all those feelings of obesophobia as far away as possible.

And I could just as easily call it quits, and be content with my own optophobia, and try to enlist change. Though, my life is so insistent on keeping my ombrophobia peeked and ready to cope.. that it sometimes seems like I'm walking through life, going from one ophthalmophobic incident to the next.

But I do know one thing.

I have no problem with symbolophobia.

But, oh man.. I'm a hadephobe.

Want a clue? http://www.phobialist.com

***

Aztec Yhessin [aztecyhessin@141.com] lives in South Bend, Indiana, and is a 21-year-old bisexual, whom is a lot less angry than he used to be, but yet bitter all the same. You can visit him on the web at http://www.freespeech.org/aztec, but it hasn't been updated for a while.


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