May 2001

Since this is my first column I'll start by telling a little bit about myself. I'm Zack, I'm thirteen and a seventh grade honors student at a small middle school. I have reddish hair and brown eyes, and I guess you could call me a big guy, but not big as in fat, just larger than most of the other boys my age. I'm not going to tell you where I live but I will tell you my state is along the Canadian border. My Dad's an attorney and my Mom's a masotherapist so I guess you could say we're not poor. I sort of have a boyfriend but that's for another column.

Like a lot of you, I first started having feelings about other boys when I was a little kid, and it scared me like I bet it did with some of you too. I think the first time I started having feelings for other boys was when I was in second grade and my school had all the boys take swimming lessons, and in the locker room I got to take a good look at other boy's peters for the first time. That's when I found out that mine was different from most of theirs, and a lot of the other boys seemed to like looking at mine. My parents didn't have me circumcised because they felt that I should have the choice in something as important as that, which I think is real cool!

I like to think of myself as being easy to get along with, but in school I hung around a close circle of friends that did everything together. I'm pretty decent at sports but I gave up on team sports after having a baseball coach that was a total asshole. I think half of the boys on my team never played organized baseball again after that season. I'd rather play with my friends and not keep score than have some drunk always yelling at me anytime.

I had my first experience with another boy when I was ten, and I think that's when all the feelings I was having started to make some sense. My best friend Justin had a tree fort that we hung out in and one day he pulled out some dirty mags he snagged from his older brother Matt. I thought they were stupid and boring but Justin was just totally into them. He kept making all these comments about the women in them but to me it was the lamest thing. Then he told me that he had to jack, and I was like What does that mean? So he pulled his shorts down and showed me how to do it but I couldn't because my skin was really tight. All I know is seeing him do that made me get hard, and I got hard whenever I thought about it.

I started having dreams at night about what he did that day and sometimes I thought about touching his peter, but I'd always feel real funny after thinking that way. Sometimes I'd start thinking about him and I'd go into the bathroom and try to do what he did but the skin was still really tight and it'd hurt if I tried too hard to move it, and one day my Dad caught me doing it which was the most embarrassing thing ever!

That night he came into my room when I was about to go to bed and he explained to me about not being circumcised and he told me to tell him right away if I had any problems, so I told him that the skin was really tight and how it hurt if I pushed down on it. He took me to two doctors who both said I should get cut, and then he took me to a urologist who had me come in on a Friday after school to have it "loosened". I'm not sure what he did because he gave me a shot but I was sore for three days. When the swelling went down though I was able to do what Justin did, and I found out why he liked do it so much.

After that Justin and I went every day after school to his tree fort and jacked together and I pretended to be into the mags but I was really into looking at him. When summer started we did it more often together and in other places without the mags, sometimes a few times a day. I mean we did a lot of other stuff together and hung out with other friends, but that was out secret thing.

Right after Justin's brother had his thirteenth birthday I was over at his house and Matt told us about how a girl had sucked on his peter as a birthday present, but he made it into this big joke about how bad she was at doing it and how she kept gagging and didn't even finish. I didn't know what that meant, but Matt told us that it felt a lot better than jacking.

That day when we went to the tree fort we had this big old talk about what it must have been like, and I told Justin that I would love to have a girl do that to me and he just didn't say anything for a long time. Then he told me that he'd do it to me if I promised to do it to him and spit shaked on it. He was scared about doing it to me because I don't think he'd ever touched another peter before and here was putting one in his mouth. It was awesome! When I did it to him I thought it was going to be gross but it was just like sucking on your thumb.

I felt funny after that and Justin was so freaked that he actually got sick over it. I think we both felt guilty about it but we also liked it at the same time. I felt the same way the first time I snuck a beer at one of my parent's parties. For a few days we just did regular stuff together and we didn't even talk about it but then Justin asked me if I liked it and I told him it was awesome. He told me he felt funny doing it but he wanted to do it again. So we kept doing it every day.

I was in sixth grade when the shootings happened at Columbine High School, and right away my school changed from really cool to a prison. It got to where the school board decided to have mandatory uniforms starting the next school year and all of a sudden we had to go through metal detectors at the doors and anything that looked like a weapon was taken. Girls even had their nail files confiscated! It just became really stupid after a while, and then my parents decided to move. My Dad had become a partner in his law firm and he wanted to move closer to his office, and my Mom wanted to take a job in a masotherapy office located in the same town my Dad worked so they decided that I would finish out the school year and then we'd move during the summer.

I took that really hard because I had lived in that town all my life and I couldn't really see anywhere else being as good, plus I had Justin and I sure didn't want to leave him. Then my parents hit me with another surprise. Right after we moved to our new house I'd be spending three weeks at summer camp. Both of my parents had gone to camp when they were kids and they loved it so they figured I would too.

We ended up moving about 30 miles from my old hometown, and saying good-bye to Justin was just the hardest thing I've ever had to do. When I hugged him good-bye it was the first time that I'd ever hugged another guy my age, and I wished that we had done that before. Justin and I have kept in touch by e-mail but it hasn't been the same, and even though we don't live that far apart we may as well live on different planets.

In my next column I'll talk about what it was like at summer camp and how I met my (sort of) boyfriend.



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