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Bethany

June 2001

So yeah, coming out, we all know it sucks. That it's stressful and not fun and all that. I've come out as gay, I started that process two years ago. And now I'm starting another coming out process.

Hello, my name is Alexander, I'm a genderqueer dyke.

Woo, that threw you for a loop, huh? My friends are okay with it, for the most part. Some of them are resisting calling me Alex, but, as the Borg say, resistance is futile. *grin* So y'all are probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Okay kids, it's vocabulary time!

Genderqueer-Someone who rejects the gender binary in favor of a more fluid, nontraditional identity.

Trans-"In simplest form, "trans" refers to transgender, transsexual, intersex, cross-dressing, drag, butch, femme and all other forms of gender variance. Trans individuals seek gender rights allowing them to present their gender identity as best suits them. "Trans" is not limited to individuals who change their "sex" or their bodies, but includes everyone who desires a greater freedom of gender expression." (Definition courtesy of the Trans Activist Network)

So therefore, I can be a biological female who prefers to go by the name Alex, as short for Alexander, and a bio-female who doesn't care what pronouns you use in reference to me, and a bio-female who prefers "sir" to "miss". It means that some days I feel more masculine than others (I pretty much never feel feminine). It means that it's not uncommon to see me around campus in a wifebeater and unbuttoned short sleeve plaid button down, with cargo pants and sandals.

Today was a good day for me, in that I was introduced to people as Alex for the first time by a friend. It felt fantastic. It's less than a week before the end of my freshman year of college, and I finally feel at home with myself. I remember being a little kid and never, during my play, in my imagination, being a girl. I was always a boy. The thing is, I don't feel now like an FtM or transman, rather, I feel like a both/neither/other. It's kinda weird, actually. In a very good way of course. It's like I've finally found home. I now have the vocabulary to discuss who and what I am with people. It's very liberating.

But yeah, I know this must be a weird column for people to read. So if you wanna talk, feel free to email me. I've had a bit of practice explaining this kinda stuff to people-like my friends and parents. This chick who's written for Oasis for over a year and a half is "suddenly" (believe me, there was no suddenly here folks) not exactly a chick anymore, and definitely not a guy. Weird kinda thing to wrap your head around, huh?

*****

Alexander (Beth) Kimball is a genderqueer dyke college student in Amherst, Massachusetts, almost 19 years old, and can be reached at k41632@yahoo.com if you'd like to chat with her. She apologizes profusely to the folks who've emailed her lately... she's not felt like she's a good person to talk to in recent times... but she has listened, and sent out a lot of positive energy for folks who need it.


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