June 2001


Hi, it's Ed, some of you may remember some articles I've written before, if not, it's nice to meet you. Please read some of my past articles if you'd like to get to know me better. I think I last wrote about 7 or 8 months ago but I can't be sure.....

I thought I would write about GAY LITERATURE. I am going through a book phase and I have been jumping from book to book, in fact, just tonight I finished reading FURTHER TALES OF THE CITY by Armistead Maupin, and though its not entirely a gay novel, there is a central gay character (the hilarious Michael), its set in 70s-80s San Francisco, and the author is gay. I have read the first two in the Tales of the City series also and I loved them.

The reason I bring up gay literature is-I want to get my hands on some!! Please write to me at mynameised@hotmail.com and give me your recommendations! They will be greatly appreciated!

I AM NOW 20!!

I turned 20 two months ago and I have to admit that I had a crisis. I feel about 17, I guess that's why I call it a crisis. I can't believe I'm in my twenties!!! What's worse, I was reading some trashy teen magazine (don't ask) and some naive youth wrote in asking "That spunk Jeremy Jordan from 'Never Been Kissed', is it true he used to be a pop star?" It was a frightening moment. I was in high school when Jeremy Jordan was a pop sensation, who could forget "Right Kind of Love"? (Well, I did until I saw the film clip and refreshed my memory.) I felt so old. Now, I imagine there are men and women out there much older than me laughing and saying, "Wait till you hit 30!" and I'm sure you're totally right. 20 is not a landmark! But when you hear about someone being in their twenties, you imagine a smart young career-oriented person with the world at their feet, future marriage partner at their side, browsing through rental properties in fashionable suburbs, and talking future plans. Well, could I be further from the truth??

I am 20 years old, sitting in front of the computer at 12:40am in my pajamas, gay, no future marriage partner, still living with my parents, not even halfway through my university course, sipping diet pepsi (it's my 4th can) shaking from cold and caffeine, listening to Badly Drawn Boy on headphones as to not wake my sleeping parents, typing for a magazine for queer and questioning youth, chewing my nails away, sniffling, contemplating masturbation before I go to bed even though I've already had a shower and don't want to soil my pajamas at all....you get the picture. Welcome to the 21st century Ed.

I had a talk with a friend who I'm out to about the topic "HOMOSEXUALITY: WHY?". It all started when I went shopping today and saw a family in front of me on the escalator-a father, mother and 3 noisy kids. Coming the other way on the adjacent escalator was a very good-looking girl. She was wearing denim, lots of make-up, looking to score I imagine (in a shopping mall? Yeah, good call, family splitter!!). Anyways, she attracted the attention of the father and he briefly stared at her. Of course-we all know the cliche -the wife caught him and started going off at him, ignoring him etc etc. This is where I draw the conclusion that men are naturally wanderers. Men are not supposed to get married.

I think that men are breeders, not keepers. Marriage, a religious convention, does not comply with basic human behavior! Guys naturally look at other girls, it's simple human nature. So....here comes the discussion with my friend....what is my purpose?? I am gay, so I don't want to have sex with females. I want to have sex with males? Does that make me a mistake? An error in my brain? Let me know if I'm right, wrong, misogynist, cute, whatever. Maybe the purpose of my life is to find purpose in my life. Well, that's not going to get me anywhere.



P.S.-> Frank, if you are reading this, please email me!! I miss your emails, and I've lost your address!!

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