June 2001

New Perspective

I've heard how raves can changed a person's perspective. It's a whole different world. Since my last rave, I felt that I have changed. The way that I see things because of them has made me comfortable with myself. I just decided, since I felt comfortable, to come out to my new friends.

It started with one friend at the local coffeehouse. That was followed by another person. That was then followed by my totally slipping up and mentioning it to a total stranger. I have to admit that just coming out again felt great. I felt so comfortable with myself.

Over the next few days, I just kept it up. My friends seem to not really care at all. At least, one said he knew anyway. It just made me feel stupid for keeping it from people after thinking about that.

Then one night I was hanging out with some friends of mine. I was just acting like I normally acted. While my friends and I enjoyed having a sarcasm contest, some other guys had come into the place. While my friends and I debated the skills of Radiohead, they decided to bust fag jokes. When we talked about tours, they were looking over all the guys. They were trying to find people who they thought were gay. It was like they were trying to start something.

Funny thing about it? I didn't even notice except for the stares. I found out later and got annoyed. Who were they to judge anyone?

Then I realized that if that had happened months ago, I don't think I would be willing to talk back or be angry. I would have just crawled under a rock and hid.

I exist. I move about. I'm gay. I've accept this idea again after hiding from it from a while. I refuse to let anyone take that away from me again. People like the guys from that night are just going to have to get over their own issues.

LaTorre (who likes Crawling by Linkin Park)

Send any thoughts, comments, and ideas about my column to anya_at_willow@yahoo.com.

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