June 2001

As I mentioned in my last column my parents decided to move after I finished sixth grade, and that was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I mean I grew up in that house, and I loved living there. I even had markings on the back of the kitchen door showing my growth! It's hard giving up something that's been such a big part of your life for so long. We had to start packing before I finished out the school year, so the last week there was like living in a warehouse. Boxes everywhere!

When we finally moved into the new house it was just nuts, clutter everywhere. I had only been to the new house once and I didn't really notice that my new room was smaller than my old one until I started trying to figure out how to set my bed and stuff up. It just made me really mad that of all things I'd end up with a smaller bedroom than my old one! I didn't have too much time either to figure things out because I was going to be going off to camp right after that, and there were things I had to get before I could leave.

I was miserable my first few days in the new house, mainly because I was mad about my room but also because of the new neighborhood. We were there two days before any of the neighbors even bothered to introduce themselves and I hadn't seen anyone even close to my age. I was really starting to miss Justin even more, and I couldn't call him because our phone wasn't connected yet!

I was nervous about going to camp mainly because I had never really had to share a room with anyone, and now I was going to be sharing a room with a bunch of total strangers. I had seen both seasons of Bug Juice on the Disney channel so I had some idea what it would be like, but still there were some things I was worried about. Like how I was going to jack off, and the idea of taking a shower with another guy was just too much for me. I mean I was horny all the time, and like I was really going to take a shower with someone that I wanted to have sex with!

I had to get up real early for the bus ride to the camp, and it wasn't something I was looking forward to at all. It seemed like some of the other campers knew each other and they were getting along and there I was just sitting there. I'm easy to get along with but I suck at starting conversations with people I don't know. After a while I just zoned out staring out the window when I heard a voice ask me if he could sit with me, and I turned to look at him. He was about my age but a lot bigger as in fat and he had on glasses, but the first thought that went through my mind was "Cute!". We shook hands (something I just can't get used to doing!) and we just started talking. Josh had been going to the same camp for a few years and it was what he did almost all summer long. He seemed happy about going to camp so I figured that it wasn't going to be that bad. We had a lot in common, liked some of the same bands like Metallica, Staind, and Korn, and deep in the back of my mind I thought he was gay like me too.

When we (finally!) got to the camp I went back into nervous mode, but I was happy when Josh and I ended up in the same cabin together and we ended up having beds next to each other. We were taken on a tour of the camp and I was very happy to find out that the showers were individual stalls! When all the other campers came to the cabin and we introduced ourselves it seemed like most of the other guys didn't really like Josh, and I figured that was because he's fat.

Josh didn't seem to be able to fit in as well as I did and the cabin counselor made a point of us getting to know each other because when it was time to leave it would be a whole lot better for us to leave as friends. It just seemed like the other guys wouldn't give him a chance so I ended up doing more stuff with him than anyone else did. He had it bad the first time we went swimming on the second day there and everyone laughed when he took off his shirt off and they saw his boobs, but that's when I realized just how cute he is. I liked him even more for not putting his shirt back on.

That night I couldn't take it anymore after not jacking for over two days, so I just turned over on my side and tried to do it as quietly as possible and hoped nobody noticed. Well, the next morning when the counselor saw me alone he told me that it's best to do THAT in the bathroom. I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die but then he told me not to worry about it. I'm sure I wasn't the only one to do that, but I wonder how many of them get caught?

Right before my stay at camp was over my cabin went on a two day hiking and camping trip, and we had to pair up to share tents. Naturally I chose Josh, but I knew that nobody else would have picked him first. I had never been out in the woods like that, but it ended up being a lot of fun even though it was exhausting. My shoulders were sore from the pack, so Josh ended up rubbing them and it felt incredible. Nobody else seemed to care that he was doing it to me and a couple of the other guys ending up doing the same thing. When he was done with me I asked him if he wanted his rubbed and he took his shirt off and as I sat behind him I just got so horny that I could barely stand it. I really missed the physical contact I had with Justin but I tried not to think about that because it just made me sad.

When we got into our tents for the night Josh realized that he didn't pack any undies so he took off his shorts and undies together after making a point to tell me about that. He didn't have a shirt on so there I was in a tent in the middle of nowhere with a naked guy next to me! We stayed up a little while with a lantern on and talked and he was just laying there with his arms behind his head, and after a while I told him I wanted to go to sleep but actually I needed to jack.

The next morning I woke up before Josh and I lifted up his sleeping bag to get a look at him, and I almost ended up doing something when I just stopped. I'm still not sure why I didn't do anything to him, but I still feel dirty for going as far as I did. I just wanted to stay there and look at him all day but I just carefully set the top of his sleeping bag down and waited for him to get up. Not a proud moment in my life.

On the last day of camp it was really hard for me to say goodbye to Josh, so I made a point of trading addresses and it turned out that he lived not that far from me, only about five miles away. He told me that he'd write to me from camp, and I promised to write back.

The bus ride home was long and boring, and I ended up sleeping almost the whole way. When we finally got back to the bus stop my parents were so glad to see me that it made me forget about having to go back to my new house and that unfriendly neighborhood. I had almost forgotten about that while I was at camp, and now I had to deal with two months of it before school started. My parents told me that they had a big surprise waiting for me at home but I was in too bad of a mood to really care.

When I got home I walked into my room and saw a treadmill and a weight training machine and I said, "Oh you turned my room into a home gym. Great!" and my Dad told me that this wasn't my room and that my room was in the basement. We went downstairs and on the way my parents explained to me that they felt bad about my bedroom being smaller than my old one and they decided that I deserved a better room. Then they blindfolded me and guided me down the stairs (I almost fell!) and when they took the blindfold off I was standing in front of a door and a wall that wasn't there when I left.

When I opened the door I couldn't believe how cool my new room was! I had a lot more space than at my old house, and it had a few cool extras like a small refrigerator and a walk in closet. My Dad told me that when he was a kid he had a bedroom in the basement and he loved the privacy down there and he wanted me to have the same chance. My parents bought me a double bed, which was great because the old was small for me, and they even got a new computer stand. The biggest surprise of all though was when they turned on the TV and showed me all the cable channels I now had, and I also got a high speed Internet connection which was so much better than my 56k modem .

As I unpacked my stuff from camp I starting thinking a lot about Josh, and how much I missed him. I couldn't help thinking about how he was doing and if he was getting along with the new group of campers, and I also started wondering if he was gay or not. Some people say that you can tell if someone is or not just by looking at them, but I really didn't know what to think about Josh. I guess a big part of me hoped that he was, and since he only lived five miles from me there were a lot of possibilities.

That night I tried sleeping for the first time in the nude, and I've done it ever since.

I wanted to talk about my (sort of) boyfriend in this column but I think it's long enough now. I'll save that for next time.



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