July 2001

My name is Jim, and I am a 16 year old gay. I was living at home, but my parents found some letters from my ex boyfriend, And they had a whole fu@#ing farm, let alone the cows. They confronted me after they had picked me up from work, and even though I was not feeling good, they still grilled me.

I am not talking about a little butterfly in the stomach feeling, I am talking about the whole I am about to faint, let me sit down sick. But they wouldn't let me do that. They are born again Christians, and they believed that I was going to curse them all to hell now that They had snooped thru my room, and found those notes.

I was furious, and I did not feel good. But that was not the worst of it. No, even though I was a little bit sick, They had to tell me how big of a disappointment I was. They had to scream and cry about what they had done wrong to have me do that to them. It was not about me, but about the church would think of them. Then they talked about what They would do about it.

For about a half of an hour, I had to listen to them discuss me as if I was no longer their son. First they discussed having me go through counseling. But they didn't think that that would be enough. Then they discussed sending me to this gender reidentification camp in New Hampshire. But they didn't have an address, or any phone number to call.

So then they turned to me. And they told me things that No one should ever hear. I was told that they would fix what was warped with me. I would be fixed, because It was their god given responsibility to make me straight again, and if it killed me in the process, so be it. They reminded me that I was their son, and therefore their responsibility, and I would not live in that disgusting sin any longer. Then they told me I was worthless until I was "normal" again. Then, and Only then, was I allowed to go to bed.

So the next day, I went to the guidance councilor at my school. And I explained the entire situation to her. She told me not to go home if I did not feel safe. So I took that advice. Then I went home, got some of my clothes, and went to live at a friends house. That was on a Monday. On the Wednesday of that week, my parents put out a runaway report on me, and I was picked up at the school. I went to the court, and was released to the custody of DSS, and I haven't been home since. That was almost five weeks ago.

But there was a silver lining to that cloud of storms. I am now living at a great home in Massachusetts, and I am out to everyone. That includes my school, my foster family, who are the most supportive ever, and my work. And while I have had a couple of rough spots, I have survived and grown stronger.

I still love my parents, But I also recognize that I would not be safe at my house now. I just wanted to use my story as an way to reach out to those readers who have a family , or come from a situation like mine. There is hope. You may not see it now, but there are people out there who will listen to you and help you out. Don't loose hope, and never forget who you are. I may not have had an easy time, but who ever said it would be easy? Life is like a bed of roses. Only these roses have thorns. Peace out.



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