Ben Shepard

July 2001

Let the marathon begin!!! I am getting so sick and tired of lying to people about being gay. Sure, it makes my school a little more tolerable cause no one knows. But isn't it better to have people know you for the real you rather than who they think you are? Last night, I was thinking about the people I have already told, and so far I have told 18 people. But then I thought of like the hundreds of kids in my school and how they have this preconceived notion that I am straight. It was just pissing me off so much that I have decided to start what I call my "Coming Out marathon". In which I am going to tell anyone I want to that I am gay. So far, I have chickened out twice.

I really hate all of this taboo that everyone, gays, straights, etc. puts on coming out. I have told 17 out of those 18 people (one of my friends found out when I told another one of my friends), and every time I have felt so scared. So scared I have asked all of them "And you won't freak out when I tell you?". Then they are totally cool with it and I feel like a fool for being so scared of my friends. But then I have to start all over again same fears, same question, same feeling stupid. And the whole coming out idea would be sooo much better if you gave people something. If you didn't read my last month's article, I made 136 cupcakes for my conquest of high school government. I am thinking that cupcakes would have the same effect on people if you were coming out to them. "Here. Have a cupcake...by the way, I'm gay." And if they're still not cool with it they will choke on the cupcake due to surprise.

Yeah, so I know that the whole Dr. Laura thing is really ancient history since her show has already been cancelled but I just have one thing to say about it. I heard somewhere that she said her show made a lot of progress and helped a lot of people. How in the hell does telling people what their morals should be and what they should do in every possible situation help anybody? All it does is makes thousands of Dr. Laura clones. Okay, I am now washing my hands of that whole subject.

Oh, and an update on the cute blonde boy in my study hall, I found out that his name is Brian. Doesn't do too much for me, but hey, at least I now don't need to refer to him as quiet blonde boy. Well I guess that's enough of my ramblings for now. Later.

Ben Shepard


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