August 2001

Hey all, this is my first attempt at writing a column. I tried to think of some witty way to start this, but it's midnight and I'm too tired. Maybe next month, if I remember.

I suppose I should start with an introduction. My name's Justin, I'm 18, and I'm gay. Hmm. That sounded a bit too much like a support group, but that's okay. I guess that's part of the reason why I wanted to write this. A little history: I don't remember exactly when I knew I was gay, but by the end of 9th grade I was pretty much assured of it. Sometime last year, I told a few of my close friends about it. That was around the same time I got my first job. While I was working, my parents found a note I had written to a friend who lived pretty far away, and I had basically written that I was gay. So my parents found out, and aside from some crying, they're cool about it. I suppose I'm lucky in the fact that I never had to work up the nerve to tell them. However, my next difficult task is to tell my brother and sister, although they probably already know.

I guess I'm in a bit of a predicament. I think the reason I consider myself gay is because I do not find women sexually attractive, but at the same time I can see myself loving another woman, just not sleeping with her. But with a guy, I can see myself doing both. I have never had a girlfriend, but I enjoy flirting, and on more than one occasion I have led a girl on and then let her down. I've never had a boyfriend, although I have had a few guys interested in me. However, I was not interested in them. It is a pet peeve of mine that most of the gay guys I have met have very high pitched, feminine voices. But that's another story. My problem is basically whether I should try going out with a girl that is interested in me, which would be easier, or to stay true to myself and wait for the right guy to come along. If that is ever.

In other news, I am trying to decide which colleges/universities to apply to when I start school again in the fall. I have changed my mind a thousand times, but I think I have decided I would like to try a school that's not in the same city I live in. I want to move to Toronto, really. And my parents are fine with it, but they want to make sure I am doing it for academic reasons. While there is a good school there for media, which I want to take, it is not the entire reason I want to go. Toronto is a bigger city, has more things to do, and as a result, a bigger gay community. I think I've met most of the guys here that are comfortable enough with their sexuality to want a boyfriend, and it hasn't worked out thus far.



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