August 2001

2 AM Ramblings

Pt.I Crazed Accusatory Questions

What can I do to get this out of my head? Why am I the only one afflicted? Why do I focus so much on me? Why can't I sleep? Where does this insecurity come from? Why can't we have what we want? What twisted fuck thought up this idea in the first place? Why ask why.... Is there a reason that I can't have a fraction of the joy I see surrounding me? Why the fuck are there such things as mixed signals? Am I really fucked up or am I just somehow manipulating myself? Why did-----do this to me? Is there some kind of sadistic conspiracy working against me? How come they're all far away? ARRRGGG. Charlie Brown. What the fuck? When will this stop and that start? Does it matter if I'm gay or bi?

Pt.II Paranoid Answers

<quick note>: these answers follow the order of the question, periods mark the end of the answer. Just to kind of help with confusion.

Talk or something. You're not, you just live a distance from the others afflicted, or maybe you just want to think you're the only one. Because, it's easier to figure yourself out, sometimes. Two reasons, caffeine and you won't let your mind relax. It comes from experience, or lack there of; you can't be secure when you haven't had experience or proof to be. We can, but only when we ask for it in the right way. Hey, don't look at me. Because you need to find things out. Yes, but it'll take a little more time to say why. To fuck with our heads of course. Well, if you're not fucked up, you kind of are if you want to be. There's no name to put in the blank so just figure it out. That would explain a lot. Geography is a bitch. No idea my friend. When you stop noticing the difference. Yes.

No, It's Not Alright.

Lately I've been seeing this anti-drug/alcohol public service announcement on TV that I hate. It's a whole bunch of kids, of all kinds, talking to their parents about how harsh and strict they were, like violating their privacy and being unreasonable in order to keep them drug free. Right as I'm waiting for the cincher, they say 'Thanks'. Thanks? Thanks? What? No no no, see, my privacy and my business is that--MINE. I don't want my parents or someone else's to see this commercial and feel free to take over my life to keep me drug free. They let me drink, but they don't know how much I drink when they're not around. And that's-gasp-GOOD. How else would I gain my distaste for Jack Daniels? People need to throw up inappropriate amounts of liquor before they can make their OWN decision. As for other drugs, this has long been my theory(or Bill Maher's). The only reason marijuana is illegal is because independent croppers got it before the government, and the government doesn't like to get screwed out of revenue. So they made hash illegal. Guess what, I and everyone else are allowed to try things that you don't want us to. And as desperate as you may be to be good parents and blah blah, you do not have the privilege to ban me from doing so, in any way. Let me make my own mistakes. It won't cost me my life until I'm stupid.

Not too sunny, but hey, I live in Florida, I get enough sun. <Smile>



©1995-2001 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.