Homosexuals possess same natural feelings, desires as heterosexualsby Kevyn Jacobs
Did I choose to be gay?
This seems like such a silly question to me.
Do you REALLY think I CHOSE to be part of a persecuted minority?
Do you think I LIKE being threatened, assaulted, taunted, beaten and fired from my job?
Why on earth would someone choose to go through what I go through as a gay man?
Most gay men, myself included, would say that we did not choose to be as we are -- that we were "born this way."
Those who insist that I chose to be gay usually are the ones who believe homosexual acts are themselves sinful or immoral. And since one must have a choice to commit a sin, then I must choose to be homosexual.
These people usually (but not always) fail to see a distinction between homosexual orientation and homosexual acts -- they believe that homosexuality is a behavior, not a state of being.
They are so focused on the sex, they ignore the love. They are so worried about what I and my boyfriend do in the privacy of our bedroom, that they forget about what we do in our everyday lives.
As for homosexual acts, I can say with 100-percent certainty that I do choose to participate in homosexual acts. There is no doubt about this in my mind -- I choose to kiss my boyfriend good night, I choose to put my arm around him when we sit together in the movie theater. And yes, I will not lie to you, I am not a virgin with men. I have, on occasion, had sex with men. And I did choose to do that.
It's clear that I do have choices when it comes to sex. I can choose to be promiscuous, or I can choose to be monogamous with one man, or I can choose not to have sex with my boyfriend until we get married. Or I can choose to be celibate, as many gay people do. Or I could have chosen to remain a homosexual who is a virgin.
Or I could have chosen to have sex with women.
But do I choose to be attracted to men? Do I choose to fall in love with men?
This is the question of sexual orientation.
Homosexual orientation is defined as a predominant attraction -- physical, emotional, spiritual -- to a member of the same gender.
And an orientation cannot be chosen. My orientation goes to the very core of my being. I am attracted to males. I always have been. I never chose to be attracted this way, but I am nonetheless.
In fact, I was a homosexual virgin for most of my teen years. I was physically and emotionally attracted to men, and very aware that I was homosexual, but never acted on it. I was homosexual in orientation only.
It wasn't until my early twenties that I came to realize that homosexual behavior wasn't immoral. That was when I finally did choose to allow myself to be intimate with another man.
As I stated earlier, I don't believe homosexual acts are immoral -- especially if there is a homosexual orientation behind them. This is in conflict with some schools of thought, I know, but the evidence seems to suggest that homosexual feelings are a natural part of the makeup of some individuals.
Homosexual feelings or a homosexual orientation cannot be immoral, because you cannot control your feelings or orientation. And while I can choose to be sexually active or not with men, I do not think we should declare homosexual acts to be immoral when they are an integral, natural and non-destructive part of a loving relationship.
A woman once asked me what it is like to be gay. I asked her if she had ever fallen love with a man, to which she replied, "yes."
I told her that is what it is like to be gay. You get that giddy, heart-thumping feeling when you see him. Your knees go weak, and you get butterflies in your stomach. It's part of the pair-bonding tendency that we humans have.
And what about sex? Well, sex is just an extension of that pair-bonding. There is a natural human tendency to want to be physically intimate with a person you are in love with.
Frankly, I think it is rather silly to assume that I choose to have those kinds of feelings about men. Love doesn't allow you to 'choose' who you are going to fall in love with.
It just happens.