by Matt
May 1996

Hi there, welcome to my little nook on the net. I've been thinking pretty seriously about publishing something on Oasis on a regular basis, so here I am. Just for a little background, I'm 16 and I live in Canada. I attend a high-school of about 600 kids where my mom's the principal and society is pretty far away, or so it seems. I hope that the more "rural" gays will be able to relate to me. My views of a lot of things are a little different, but I'm more than open to debate. In fact, I love friendly argument. (I provoke it, although it often ends up "not so friendly" with those I don't like!!)

Before I blab on any more, I guess I have to describe my situation. I'm out of the closet to eight people (my closer friends) and I think I may have accidentally just told someone else by being in #gayteen for an hour straight (no pun intended!). My dad is homophobic. My mom would never say it, but she is too... they're both hicks! My brother is a product of my father, but a touch more modern, and my sister? I don't know. He's 23 and she's 24. My town is relatively tiny -- about 3000 people -- plus the surrounding areas for a grand total of maybe 6000 people. Now that you know that, here's the stuff you may even care about! :)

Is it just me, or is the worst word in the world "queer"? It's so derogatory. My father and I were watching Braveheart (the movie, not the Care Bear) and when Prince Charming and his boyfriend were on the screen, he'd snicker and say "look at the queers" or "which one's more queer" and laugh. I didn't. (Author's note: the author doesn't usually watch movies with his family!) There was nothing respectable about what he was saying, it's just annoying to me. Webster's Dictionary says "queer" means 'strange, odd, sick, or to ruin'. And, of course, right along side these very complimentary words, 'homosexual.' Just proving a point. I'm sure "QueerAmerica" isn't being derogatory in their title, I just prefer 'gay.'

On a different note, people are welcome to help me answer this question: How does it happen? That one sexual encounter that never should have happened. The guy who never said he was gay, and wasn't supposed to know you were. The guy who's not attractive at all, but you did something with him. The guy who's really not all that good smelling, but you touched him there anyway. Oh wait, you don't know that until after it happens.

Nonetheless, it happened to me, and for the people who know about it, I haven't been able to explain it. Of course, I can't explain it to myself. I just grimace when I think about it. (Like now!) But, for your own comic pleasure, I'll share it with you. Of course, it you find it gross, boring, or not to your taste, skip to the section "End Sex Sex Sex."

I'm in the school drama group with a lot of social rejects, except for S., who is a gorgeous girl everyone likes. (She sucked me into it, OK?) Anyway, it's the night of our final performance. R., a guy I know, is in the room changing costumes with a few of us. This little room, with no windows, suddenly goes black when someone turns off the lights. "Hahaha," someone laughs, and we all stumble to find the light switch. Since I knew where it was, I went for it, because I was already pissed off.

I was slowed on my journey by a pair of hands. They touched me somewhere no male had ever touched me before. Surprisingly to me, and possibly to him, I didn't belt him one, but gently removed his hands and turned on the light. First mistake -- should have punched him.

We never acknowledged the event through eye contact until after the show when everyone was happy after a good performance, and he and I were in the room alone. Suddenly, I was looking at a fairly short version of what I had seen between my legs before. But it wasn't circumcised, and I had never seen one like that before, so I figured it was supposed to look greasy. (I hear to this day that they're usually wet when someone is sweating.) Anyway, before I knew it, he had mine out and was playing with it. Eventually, though, someone walked in, and we hid them quick... that was that. We never spoke about it again. Mistake two.

I don't remember when, but some time after that, I went to his house before going out with some friends, and we did the old trusty mutual masturbation thing. Mistake three. (Keep in mind that he has a short one which wasn't appealing, and he wasn't so hot himself. This is a negative experience!)

The next time I really ever went to his house alone again was later in the year. (About two or three months later.) He wanted to do it again, but much to my embarrassment, I was too disgusted to even get it all the way up. I did him, but he didn't do me. Major denial for him, first smart move for me. He never asked me to do it again.

So why did it happen? How in the world did I ever do it? That's what those who know kept asking me. (Of course, telling them was mistake 1.5, since he still isn't out of the closet.) I don't know why.

I promise I won't tell any more sex stories until they're with M., my dream boy, or at least someone fairly attractive and clean. Maybe I'll get to go to WeHo and see a sex club. (If you don't know what I mean, see the April Oasis!!)

End Sex Sex Sex

If you read all that sex stuff, it was my worst encounter of the gay kind yet. If you didn't read it, it was nothing really mind-shattering. My point being that most teens have had a rough time, or at least one rough period in their gay life. I just want to say that I haven't! Every single person I have told has been great about it. It's the best topic of conversation ever, and when you can talk to them about what guys you think are cute, they find it enthralling! Probably the best part, though, is the fact that it encourages others to come out... especially the ones you think are cute!

In a little hick town, it's kind of shaky to come out to everyone, especially when your mother's the principal, but the select few you tell can make your life a paradise compared to when nobody knew. Oh, and a tip: if you're a guy, tell a close gal. If you're a gal, tell a close guy. When you can discuss cute people with someone you know has good taste in the same sex, life is no more different than that of a straight teen.

See ya next month.

Matt, 16, is a high school student in Nova Scotia. He can be reached at matt@oasismag.com.
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