[oasis][columns]

by Matt
June 1996

So here am I, writing with Notepad, designed for Windows 3.1, but I'm using it with Windows '95, longing for SimpleText. (You know what I mean if you know what I mean!)

I guess there are a lot of Europeans who will be reading this, but for the benefit of we the medieval (North Americans), I'm going to spew to you something I was told by a friend on IRC (namely Argv).

For the record, I'm taking a trip to Mčnich, Germany this summer and I'll be staying in the city for a few weeks. While talking to Argv, he told me a few interesting facts about Munich. It's beautiful, it's big, and it's got naked gays. NAKED GAYS. Well, I'm psyched to go now, aren't you??? Actually, it's a little more complicated than that...

Where I live, we have the nicest beaches in the world, or so they say. When we want fun, we throw on some boxers and drive 40 minutes to the beach to bake in the hot Atlantic sun. Major tans, major buns, er.. burns!

In landlocked Germany, they don't have a whole lot of waterfront property. (About 0 square kilometers.) So, they go to the public parks to do it. I guess they "go fishing for rays," as Argv said. It's just that many do it naked. Wowweee! I'm bringing a lot of film... 8mm tapes and photos. When I get back, if it was as good as I hope, I'll be sure to put up a website. (18 and older only! Ha! Yeah right!)

If you're not out of the closet to your parents, ARE YOU PARANOID? I am. They don't know I'm gay. Nor do a lot of people, but anyway, they seem to be catching on. For example, I have a friend who lives 300kms away and we've been very close friends now for about two years. But he's straight, and I'm gay. (Of course, he's unbelievably cute. Hmmm...)

One time I was talking to Mom about our missing each other and she asked me if we were just friends, or... That was enough for me. I replied with "Yeah, Mom, just friends. What else would we be?" ... hmmm... Is it just me, or is she hinting at something. That scares me.. my mother and father (as I've said before) are HICKS!! They would disown me if they found out. It's actually a tough situation when your yearbook is full of gay jokes and every note you accidentally leave in your jeans' pocket is about a cute GUY.

Now that I read this article over, I realize how DEAD my homosexual life IS. It's sad, really. People tell me on the Internet that I'm cute, and girls flirt with me in school (uhhh... duhh.. I think ?).. but there's no guy brave enough to come up to me and grab my ASS and be enjoying it as freely as I am. Sure you can say "Just come out of the closet" but both you and I know that it's easier said than done, which doesn't even do the difficulty justice. Every time you come out, it's as bad as the first. Oh well, eight down, three-hundred to go. :(

I guess you'll KNOW if I ever get something... even a kiss. Because it'll be my WHOLE article.

Sometimes I wonder if I were straight if I'd be so .. umm ... ready to have sex with someone attractive. In saying "have sex" I mean anything sexual. I guess what I'm saying is, am I hornier because I'm gay?? I guess since I have never really gotten what I want from someone it all builds up, but would I be a regular playboy if I were straight? I know the odds are better, anyway. What can I say but "give me someone to kiss please."

I love asking questions, so every time I write one of these here articles, I'm gonna include my "Question of the Month" for your answering pleasure! :) This month, I want to know if you think gays have a better knack than straights for picking other gays out of a crowd.

As usual, my questions follow with a story. I think what I found most fun about having people know I'm gay is that we have one HELL of a discussion topic. The most frequent topic (now that ME being gay isn't such a novelty) is who ELSE is gay. We always, ALWAYS debate "well, he might be" or "no, he's not" and it seems that my straight friend (we'll call him Nate) usually seems to have different people in mind than I do.

I'm sure I'm right and he's wrong, but of course, he feels the same way. What I want you to do (yes YOU) is click on that email link at the bottom of the page (or this one HERE) and tell me what you think are a few good criteria for telling whether someone is queer or not. If I get any good answers, I'll put them in my next release.

I guess that's good for June... Next will be July, and then after that, August's edition will be jam packed with great stories about Germany and all those naked guys and the awesome music, food, and naked guys. I'll tell you about the flight over and back, and the naked guys in Munich. Hee hee!

I love getting mail, by the way, and it's so easy to do, just CLICK! See ya next month.


Matt, 16, is a high school student in Nova Scotia. He can be reached at matt@oasismag.com.
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