Ask Dr. Jayby Dr. Jay Nagdimon
Dear Dr. Jay,
I've got this problem. I have this friend who I've known for almost two years. He's really good-looking but I don't know if he's gay or not. Whenever the subject comes up he sometimes says negative things but sometimes he doesn't. Then last Saturday we were at a movie and his leg was touching mine. At first I thought it was just an accident but then he kept it there. I kept thinking that maybe he is trying to start something but is too scared to, just like me. Is there any way to tell if someone is gay?
I don't know what to do. If I come out to him, he might be disgusted and that would end our friendship. But if he is gay and he likes me too, then I would never find out if I didn't tell him. What should I do?
-- Desperately Hoping
Dear Desperately Hoping,
It's difficult to really know if a person is gay unless you take the plunge and ask him or her. However, you might be able to improve your odds. Remember: the following hints are not guaranteed.
One last thing. From your letter it sounds like you have a crush on your friend. Sometimes our strong wants tends to interfere with our good judgment. If you do decide to come out to him (and he turns out to be straight), you might hold off on expressing your romantic feelings for a while. If he is not gay himself, he may need some time just getting used to the idea that you are gay.
You can e-mail Dr. Jay at DrJay@oasismag.com. He will try his best to respond to everyone, depending upon the volume of mail received.