by Matt
July 1996

Well, it's 3:42 a.m. and I'm in the studio doing some work. I figured this is the only time I'm going to have to write my Oasis article, so here I am. If I remember correctly, last month I was longing for SimpleText. Here it is and boy am I excited. (Sarcasm.)

I'm getting excited. I guess as of today, it's officially 12 days before I leave for Germany... I don't know what to expect, but I just got my Visa card today (yes, I'm only 16 years old, although now I guess I'm a MAN!) and my documents "are in order" as they say. Now I just have to get ready to deal with the reality that mommy and daddy are, for the first time, out of reach... or out of the timezone. I still can't get that image of naked men in a public park out of my mind. It lights up my dreary days!!

On to more relevant stuff, in my last article, I asked for responses to a question of how people thought they could tell if someone was gay, aka your gaydar. The most common response I got was "the eyes". A lot of people said that if you look into someone's eyes, and they look back for a few seconds, BINGO -- you've got a winner. Others said to follow their eyes and see what they're looking at. If it's the men they're following, then that's the runner up! And some even said to watch and see if they look at your crotch, although that one was an odd one to me... I don't think even I look at crotches regularly, and I'm a horny feller!

I was at work tonight at the radio station, and here in Canada, a magazine circulates called "The Record". It details music news from across Canada, the latest releases, and the heaviest airplays. On the inside front cover, an attractive ad caught my attention. It was a picture of two girls and two guys intimately wrapped in a rainbow flag. The guys were pretty damn cute, and since all four folks were nekked (except of course, for the flag) I stared at the page for a few moments. (I'm sure the girls were attractive too, but I don't have much of a sense for that one!!) Anyway, it was an ad for a CD called "I'm Coming Out" which is supposed to hit North American music stored on June 24th... which means it should be out by the time you read this. It has tons of great dance tunes, and the proceeds benefit an AIDS organization... it's worth looking at, but (as they say on "Reading Rainbow"), don't take my word for it!!

(The next little bit is about my personal trials and tribulations with trying to deal with being a queer and nobody knows it but straight people... hmm... sounds like a Simpson's Episode!) I've liked this one guy now for a good 3 months straight. He says he's straight, but that's because he's young and not even I figured I was gay at his age... I think he's going to turn 15 years old soon. Anyway, we hang out a lot, and we like each other. He's VERY gay in the sense that he likes to "fruit" people... in other words, touch them or play fag, I don't know what the official term is, but it's basically just acting gay.

Nonetheless, he does it a lot, and I like when he does it to me. And he seems to like when I do it back. But when someone insists that he's gay, he denies it and stops "fruiting". This was putting me through hell. I wanted him so SO bad, I liked him SO much, and all I could do was LOOK. No touching, and no pass-making. (Because if I tried to kiss him and he didn't want it? That would be the end of my life in this little town.) SOOOOO, for about 3 or 4 short, but seemingly endless weeks, I TRIED and TRIED to make myself NOT like him. I've finally done it. I'm over him! But the down side to that is I don't like ANYONE now. It's pretty damn lonely not having ANYONE to look forward to spending time with. I guess what it all comes down to is that I have never really snuggled with someone I really like before. It's tough being a teenager with all the friends in the world and not one of them to kiss.

GAWD that was depressing, wasn't it??

So here's my question for this month. (And PLEASE answer it, I love getting responses to these nifty questions!) How old are you now, and when was your first real KISS from a boyfriend/girlfriend? (Or if you're like me, you're 16 and you never kissed another same-sex EVER.) *sigh* and *grinz*!! Maybe I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not the only one out there, but I don't think that's it -- I think I'm just nosey!!

Oh, and by the way, for anyone who writes, I'll be in Germany till July 24th, so my replies may be short and late, but I do my best to reply to EVERYONE... :)

After I get back from the big G, I think I'm going to put up a page with my "adventure" for everyone to see... and I'll also be putting up a little page of my own exclusively for pictures of the parks in Munich, presuming that I'll be seeing what everyone tells me. If so, you can count on me making the address available in my August article. This one will be a killer. A couple of things I want in Germany??? Sure, I know you wanted to know what I wanted. (Redundancy?) I want a German flag, a German boyfriend, a big Schnitzel, a big German kiss, a big Schwanz (aka a wiener? a bird? a .. an .. genitalia?) ... is it ANY WONDER some people think that queers are PERVERTS? It's people like me, god damnit, who give us such a bad NAME. Tsk tsk tsk...

Anyway, it's now heading for quarter after four in the morning and I have no idea how much I've written. All I know is that after I finish Germany, I'm going to head to West Hollywood because ever since I read an article here in Oasis about "someone else's" visit, I've been thinking about those sex clubs and how much more attractive their starting to sound...

Till I'm back with a wack of stories in my pack with a stack of info for my Mac, have a good time living that thing you call life! (That was cheesier than cheddar itself.)

Matt, 16, is a high school student in Nova Scotia. He can be reached at matt@oasismag.com.
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