The Secret

J. Michael Hall

Sitting on a hill where they could see the beautiful arch of the crescent moon, these two friends cuddle because no one else will.

"Josh, what are you thinking about? Why won't you talk to me," said Karen. "Karen, you know we've been best friends for as long as I can remember and you know that we would never let anything destroy that, right? Well, there is something that I have to tell you," he says while he looks at the ground trying not to let her see the tears welling up in his eyes. He casually wipes them away as though they were nothing.

"Josh, you know I will always be here for you. There is nothing that you could say to make me change my mind," she says, then adding under her breath, "...even though I want more."

She grabs his head and makes him look her in the eyes. "This is not easy for me to say because I really don't want to break up this great friendship we have." Karen gets close to him and rests her head on his lap. His body gets really tense.

"Do you know what I think is romantic Josh?"
"No, What."
"Looking up at the stars as a couple."

Karen sits up, looks Josh in the eyes and then kisses him. Josh gets up and runs down the hill in fear. Karen is shocked, she doesn't know what to do. Then anger takes over her body as she realizes that she was rejected. She runs down the hill after him. She catches him by the collar and wrestles him to the ground.

"Why did you do that? I thought you liked me!!!!"
"We can never be together, Karen. Never."
"Why not, Josh??"

The emotion he has been keeping back comes pouring out. He falls to his knees in tears. "I can't like you because I'm gay. I have tried to tell you time and time again, but every time I get close I would cower."

"What the hell? I can't believe I just kissed a faggot. I'm so tainted. I don't ever want to see you again."

"No. Don't leave. I need you, Karen. Please don't leave." She walks away, leaving him lying in a pool of tears.

A few hours later, he goes home and sits in his room in front of his mirror. He grabs a piece of paper that he has been writing on and begins to read out loud.

"Would you run away if I told you how I feel. Would you have to say I'm not being real. Could we make amends after all that was through. Could you tell your friends that I'm in love with you. Would they make me pay for the love in which I am bound. Would you look my way more or less than now. Is it really true that you walk the straight and narrow. Was cupid so blind to see my crooked path pierced by his arrow."

He reaches into a drawer. The sound of the gun echoes through the empty house.

©1996 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.