[oasis][stories]

Judas

By Sandra Jean-Pierre

When it hurts so bad
that only love can help ease the pain,

So you make love
with the greed of a starved man
eating his first meal in weeks.

And there is no heed as to what you can give,
only that which you can take;
not how you can satisfy
but how you can get more.

Responsibility becomes a naughty word
and senses become something for the lost.

You, you have found what you are looking for
and plan to make up for it in one dire moment.

Betrayal in thy breast,
Passion on thy lips.

Which will show your purple hands of lustful greed?
Which will become your Judas?

I want I want
I take I take
You give You give.

And you cry at my rawness,
you cry at the hurt I give
You cry at the rage you finally see within me,
The rage your flip ways set ticking.

Which will become your Judas?

You moan at the love I must give to save
myself from burning,
Gasp at the look of sheer urgent love
that escapes from my eyes...that distorts my face...

I cannot get enough-

What I want What I want

What you must give What you must give

Denial on thy tongue
Revenge on thy heels....

Which will become your Judas?

Swear to me by the saints
Kiss your blessed rosary
Pray that the evil demon within me will cease its
punishment on you.

And still you cringe from my rawness,
close your eyes from my distorted face
So you won't see the urgency
won't have to deal with the idea of having
to fill that need.

Pray my child, pray

...The Ash Wednesday cross upon your forehead
or the broken cross within...

Which will become your Judas?

I grind my teeth at the pleasure I have
taken from you
And let you go
to feel my core shake with fulfillment
To see my child within fallen over with slobbering greed
Well fed.

Falling asleep
I feel your light touch...
and I scowl
you simply look and cry

You've seen the pain,
felt the rage
And you wonder what has made it so
How such an angelic creature can have such demons.

You wonder how long it will be
How much more rage
You wonder if you can satiate
compensate...
You wonder what you did to set it off...

Blessing the demons...
...you curse me.

Which will become your Judas?

Now the scowl becomes a grin
moving the adult over
out comes the child within

Innocence at it's best...

You want to love the hate
and let her sleep...
Peace my little one, peace...

Now you feel good for saving the child...
even though she is the one who let the monster in from next door.

All you can do is cry for you
for me
for us...
hoping you can give me it all...

Praying you will be all I need
and loving my untamed uncensored love

Praying that I won't leave...
hoping you'll be enough...

Which will become your Judas?
Which will become your Judas?


Sandra Jean-Pierre, 21, will attend her third year of college in January of 1997. She is an English major and hopes to be a professor.
©1996 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.