[oasis] [columns]

Robert Hines

October 1996

Well it is the end of August, just before school starts. I'm like really nervous about it all. Last night, I was a mess. I thought maybe coming out and all was a mistake. I mean it was fine over the summer, but at school... It killed me at the end of last year. Being so comfortable with being gay and to still have to pretend about everything. I get to thinking and worrying about things way to much. I started worrying about the teachers, I thought that if I got bashed and I went to them they'd say things like 'Well, you should of thought of that before you decided to come out.' And try to put the blame on me for why I am getting bashed. I haven't even started school and I'm all worried like this.

OK, I'm writing like a week later and I'm a lot better with things I guess. School starts in two days, and yes, my pics are awful. I can't help it, I'm scared of the camera seeing what I really look like.

So last week I got my ear pierced. Left ear. People here still have this thing right ear is gay, left is straight. When will people catch on that if a person gets one ear piercing, it's guys left and girls right!

So the summer's been pretty boring. My trip to Toronto sucked. And I didn't get up to Halifax, civilization. Hopefully, I'll get up to there in October. And my uncle was down from Alberta. He knows about me. But like, well, we didn't discuss anything. There were a few jokes and that was it. I would have liked to talked to him about it. Mom and dad told me he was OK with it, but its nice to here it from the person.

So I started school. It's not like you walk in and everybody knows. I've had plenty of second thoughts about it. First reaction I got was congratulations on coming out, so that was nice. Next one was you're too cute to be gay, not that I think I am. And some people were amazed, they knew there were lots of gay people out there but had never met anyone who admitted it. Some people who know me don't know, its like you don't go up to every new person you meet and tell them you're gay. It would be like them telling me that they're straight. Most of the people I can't stand don't know. Some found out yesterday on irc but I don't care. It wasn't that much of a big deal and it worked out pretty good. But I've only been in school less than 2 weeks so far.

I was at..., well it wasn't really a party, but a group of eight people went over to someone's house. I knew everyone there. Friends and acquaintances. Some of the people there didn't know but they found out. One couldn't believe it but she did eventually. One really didn't say anything. And when (his anonymous name here) found out he was like asking questions and all about it. I didn't mind.

Something else that surprised me was that a friend came out to me saying she was a bisexual. Someone at my school that I had recently became friends with and knew first off of the Internet. Then I called her up one night and she told me she was a lesbian. I guess she got more comfortable with her sexuality and trusted me more. Her mother ended up reading a note that she wrote to me that was going to say that she was a bisexual. She knows her mother knows but her mother acts like she doesn't know, instead her mother has given her the cold shoulder because she doesn't think being queer is right.

That's it for me, will write again next month, bye all.

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