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November 1996

Gays in Heaven

What to say. Well, it's November, and as I type this, my fingers are numbing. The temperature of this room is below the recommended one for people, and the trees are all brown. How do I know this? The skylight above me is more or less covered with leaves.

But on to more important things, like ME! Ha.. well, today, I speak not of myself, but of the prospects of my future and of the future of other gay and lesbian teens. My mother went to church last night in a different Catholic parish than ours. She went to one further out in the sticks, further from civilization than my own. (Dreadful thought.) Nonetheless, she made it back without any wounds from savages or medieval rituals. She did, thought, return with some disturbing propaganda.

First, some background into why Christians, like myself, are who we are. Tolerance and love of each other, isn't that what Christianity is all about? Turn the other cheek, Jesus said. So I have. I've turned it, even though my mother was the one who's slapped it. This morning she came into my room to wake me for mass.. a fairly unpleasant practice as it stands, but this morning she had to make it a little harder. She started talking about something she was given at the mass in, let's call it HickTown. It was a protest against the making of a movie. A movie being produced as a drama, a serious drama about the life of Jesus. "So what?" you say. Well, in this particular drama, Jesus is portrayed as a homosexual. Gasp! No! Not Jesus! Well, of COURSE Jesus! He was human. He sinned, didn't he? Whether or not he was the son of God is irrelevant. He was a human being. My mother? She said it was an "insult" and an "utter blasphemy". How could she say this? If only she knew that her OWN SON was a homosexual. Would she see it differently? No doubt she would.

So what does this "protest" promote? Once again, it promotes segregation and hate based on the irrelevant. People aren't going to say "that stupid film company". They're going to say "those stupid queers, who do they think they are?" Well, I'll tell you who I think I am, you idiot. I'm a human being. So was Jesus. Was he white? black? gay? straight? mentally challenged? a sadomasochist? Do we KNOW? Certainly not. We don't even know if the man was truly the son of God. But for heaven's SAKE! He wasn't GAY! Sure, sure, Alexander the Great was a homosexual... yeah, sure, Julius Caesar's first love was another man, but not Jesus! Let's not let perfectionism cloud our view of reality, folks. What I saw in my mother today was the total "non-acceptance," for lack of a better word, of homosexuality. Her views were voiced because of, and ONLY because of, what she had been told in church. Hmph. My cheek is turned, Father. My cheek is turned Bishop. My cheek is turned Pope. Please, hit it again. Perhaps my hair is too blond. Nice future.

That bar across the page? That's a break. One you have to take, I think, when you get as angry as I do about this sort of stuff. But I'm going to continue on with some stuff I think you won't find so heavy. Like my hair. I dyed it! My friend was doing his Coke-Can Red, so I decided I might as well take the leftover bleach and see what happened. Well, he and his girlfriend went right to it. In went the bleach, out came the color, and now I'm blond. It's pretty simple really. Dad said that when he thought of guys and hair dye, he thought of "fruits." OK, that got ME going. Then Mom came downstairs and ragged him out for saying it. Then she said that I'd "lost my backbone." Oh, OK Mom. That's great!" Now I'm a follower, she says. I always chuckle at that one. Anyway, what's ironic is that a lot of girls like it! I hate when that happens. This one girl, who is, I guess, attractive to most, said that she thought I was "wicked." Well, hell.. that certainly contradicts what Mom and Dad said. Oh well, you can guess who I am choosing to agree with.

You know what really sucks about being gay or lesbian? Well, it's when people REALLY LIKE you. What can you do? You can be friendly, but then they think you like them back and they ask you out, or they make a pass, or something like that. In these cases, your average gay guy or girl ignores the pass from the opposite sex or is put between a rock and a hard place. You date the person, you're not going to like it. You don't date them, they'll probably be hurt or angry, depending on the sex. That really sucks. It's happened to me WAY too many times in the last little while. First, it's my friend's little sister. She's supposedly very "hot." Oh, then there was the Foreign Exchange Student. Tall, blond, blue eyed. Yeah, Matt passes her up too. Then the old friend from out of town comes home for while.. says she thinks I'm good looking. That makes ME uncomfortable. You know what? This really SUCKS. These little problems, although seemingly petty, get pretty annoying! What's worse, it makes it very obvious that there's SOMETHING going on with me. I'm NOT dating any girls. They're really good looking! Why am I NOT taking their cues? Well, I'm gay! Ha! And hardly anyone knows it! Nice game I play.

And so, as my article nears its desired length, my day nears its dreary mid-part, and my fingers turn black with gangrene, I am led to my QOTM (yes, Question of the Month). Girls ask you out. Guys ask you out. But you're a member of the opposite sex. What do you say, if they don't know your queer? Oh, and I would really LOVE any opinions regarding the "gay Jesus" thing. It's really on my mind.

Till next month, my friends.

[About the Author]

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