[oasis] [columns]

Len Smith

December 1996


Hello everyone! This is my first submission to Oasis, and I’ve got a lot to say; I’m sure you’ll hear a lot of it over the next several months. I just found Oasis yesterday, and it’s great. I’ve spent hours reading just about everything on it. About me, I've been on the net night after night for the last few months. I can’t stop talking about my sexuality. It’s something that I’ve neglected for the past 19 years! I’m bisexual, although liking males more then females. I always figured there was no point in coming out when I could find a girl, and not have to be “abnormal”. I wasn’t exactly happy, but at least I was “normal”. That seemed to make sense. Well that lifestyle was working just fine for me, until one day my best friend and I were in my room.

Let’s call my best friend ‘X’. I was telling him how a friend of ours thought we were both gay. Instead of laughing he said that he “could be gay”. I was really excited and scared, and I didn’t want to stop X from reaching out so I admitted for the first time that I was bi. “Awesome,” he says, and both of us, scared, didn’t mention the subject for the rest of the night. We went to sleep, and I started making my bed on the floor, feeling too weird to sleep in the same bed, but X protested, “Sleep up here, I still love you.” he said. I obliged, but still felt weird, and crowded to my corner of the bed. Later that night, X slid over, impossibly fast, so he was lying next to me, shoulder to shoulder, ass-to-ass, leg-to-leg. And I, already teetering on the corner of the bed, couldn’t move over any more. I tried to get comfortable, but I couldn’t. Finally, I decided to put my arm around him. He took my hand in his, feeling every finger, and we embraced. I felt so good.

He was so awesome. I fell in love. I didn’t want to leave the comfort; I didn’t want that bond to end. I rested my face in his back and fell asleep. A bunch of similar incidents occured without further comment. then one day, I built up the courage to tell X how much I love him. I was sure I could do it, but instead I blurted out “You--you’re making me really horny lately”. He said that he “expected it”, and nothing else is said. On the way to his house he said, “Well, sometimes I’m attracted to people purely by sex, but when the person’s really awesome. I wouldn’t want to risk our friendship though.” My heart racing, blood vessels in my temples making loud thuds, I said nervously, “Oh no, definitely not risk our friendship.”

Then, at his house, he had to leave to do yard work. I didn’t see X for 2 days, and when I did he was a total dick to me. He refuses to hang out, choosing our other friends, Y and Z, to hang out with. I was hurt a lot. Then they came to my house harboring some secret, laughing amongst themselves. I got pissed, and went to mycomputer. They left, X included. I was really upset. X called an hour later, and they told me what the secret was. They were going to call up some slut to have an orgy with. Y told me this while I heard X and Z chuckling in the background. Talk about emotionally scarring moments. Ever since then, my relationship with X hasn’t been the same. He doesn’t want to hang out; he doesn’t want to do anything. I think he got scared, realizing the repercussions of being homosexual. Now, although we’re still friends (barely), he winces if I touch him, and he refuses to come over my house. So our friendship is ruined, all because I love him. Well, please e-mail me. I love getting e-mail from other teens who’vehad similar experiences· I’d love to hear your thought on why X reacted as he did... and check out my web page.

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