[oasis] [columns]

Len Smith

January 1997

My best friend, the one I'm in love with, has been much cooler… he's been really understanding and we were getting really close again… but then he started hinting about being bisexual again, even telling me about a dream he had where he made out with Dave Grahl from the Foo Fighters. I asked him if he'd be oh-so-gracious and let me give him, you know, oral-pleasures. I told him even if he was straight, it'd still be fun. He didn't think so, and he got freaked out again (pissed actually). As of now, though, he's getting more comfortable around me again. It seems he's comfortable with homosexuality as long as it's not directed toward him. A confusing lad, no? I wish I wasn't in love with him… There's so many other people out there I could be having relationships with, but I'd loose time with him, and I'd rather sleep over his house with my eyes lovingly fixed at his toe that's sticking out of the blanket.

Sigh.

I've been watching him hit on this girl… it's sad. It makes me nauseous. He tells me all about it, and I give my best fake smile and a less-then-half-hearted "Great…".

Sexuality is so confusing…. This girl that he's hitting on, she's about as masculine as he is. I don't get it at all… I wonder how he'd react if in the middle of hitting on her, as he's all horny, he found out she had a penis or something. What difference should it make?

People are so anal…

I just want to tell everyone what I think (I'm not out of the closet yet) and scream at them all… but I'm afraid that my friend's parents won't let us hang out any more, not to mention all the rumors that would be spread about him if I come out… He'd never want to stay over the faggot's house again…. And, for some strange reason, our asexual-self-defeating-dysfunctional relationship is more important to me then any boyfriend or girlfriend I can foresee in the immediate future.

Well, that's about all for me, I hope I didn't bore you too much….

Until next month,

Len Smith

Send me some e-mail : len@epitaph.com And check out my web page: Just another bisexual sXe kid…

 


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