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To Die For

School was in a solemn mood today. Everyone was very quite. He died a tragic death. It was so sad. The brakes were cut on his car. At first, there was the question of murder. He had received death threats. But it came too a close after they found the tape recorder. Rob was gay. I was his best friend. All of his friends tried to be there, especially me. But I guess I didn't try hard enough. My bad. None of us did. Our bad. No one was there for him. His family wasn't, the school tried to wash its hands of him. And that isn't how things work. That wasn't fair.

The following is his suicide note, as transcribed by the police. And I quote him on a favorite saying of his. "Life is a bitch." It was found after the song "Ironic," by Alanis Morrisette.

Rob: Is this thing working? Yeah, the little red light is on so it is. Anyway, why am I doing this? Because, life sucks. I was raised to be myself, and so I was. I never thought it would be this way. I never thought it would end like this. But it did. Well, it will. (car starting). My parents are out doing whatever crap they do. They never cared about me after I came out. My sister, the bitch thought it would be best for me. What does she know? Bitch. (Car pulling out of driveway, going down street.) I really don't think I will be missed. I wanted my parents to sue the school for invasion of privacy. They thought it would be best if I didn't. Fuck them. Oh, the school, I can't forget you bastards in charge of that God-forsaken place. You should have told that bitch who was surfing the net to go away when she showed you that writing. But you didn't. Instead, you gave it to some other bitch "counselor" who told me to tell my parents. Well, I hope you are happy now. You ruined my life. I have cut the brakes in my car, which my parents wanted back from me when I came out. If they want it after I am done with it that is, they can have it. (Laughing) I am going to fuck this car up so bad. I am going to go down a hill and let myself die at the bottom. There is no turning back now. It got really bad when the school found out. It got around to everyone. Thank you all who was there for me. Sean, Jan, Denise, that would be you all. Of course, there were all the usual bashing from people. I was able to live through that. Even when I was jumped, I lived through that. However, death threats are whole other story. (Sigh) I think the school didn't want anything to do with that. They said it was my own fault. When I pointed out that they did it, not me, they said they had to. Bull shit! So I figured if life is like this now, it is not going to get any better. I want to die, people want me to die. So, I figure, I'll kill two birds with one stone. (Laughing) Now, I am here at a nice big hill. With no brakes, it should be quick. I hope I don't live. If do, someone please pull the plug. I can't go on like this. Oh and Sean, I am sure your are listening to this. Remember what fun we had when we were younger? Playing tennis, the beach? Those were the best day of my life. Now this is the last day of my life. And I want to say, ever since the day I realized I was gay, that I love you. I guess I always have. I was never sure if you would understand. I hope you can. The Roman Catholic faith condemns me because of this, but I am awaiting a higher judgment now, not one of some thoughts someone thought up of 3 thousand years ago. If there is a God, I hope He or She can understand and if I am to be damned to hell, let it be for a good reason, not because of who I love. (Sniff) Jan, Denise, I love you both also. I know the 4 of us wanted to be lawyers and open up a firm of our own. Well, it'll have to be with the 3 of you now. And I am going to give you your first case. After you pass the bar, sue the school for invasion of privacy, and see if you can get a manslaughter charge against them going also. I would feel better knowing that the 3 of you would do that for me. Well, here goes. The point of no return. I wonder if I am doing the right thing. At least I will find some peace. I hope. I pray. Good bye. Before I do press on the accelerator, let me just say, this is to die for! Here we go! (Car picking up speed). 40, 50, 60, well I won't get a ticket for this(Laughing). Whoa, 80, this is way fast! This is the bomb! Bye Sean, Jan, Denise, I love you all! This is the bomb!(Car going faster) This is to die for!! This is...(Large explosion, sound of metal twisting...)

When we heard this tape, his parents and sister started to cry, and it didn't seem like they would stop. The superintendent of schools was sitting quietly. Jan and Denise were sobbing their hearts out. I cried one tear. Just one. I went over and hugged them. I did love Rob, and I always will. He was a friend to die for. I would have understood. I did. Not enough to save him.

Epilogue

4 years later, the 3 of us brought a multimillion dollar against the State of New Jersey, and the school, claiming their mismanagement of the situation led to his suicide. The case was won by us. We donated almost all of it to start gay youth groups around the state. The lawsuit also brought into legislature a law stating that high schools have to have a support system for gay youth, which is still in debate, 5 years later.

This is a fictitious story. If this has happened anywhere, my heart goes out to the people involved. I hope everyday that some gay teen has stopped himself/herself from killing themselves, giving them some strength to go on. And to any gay teen who has been bashed, tell them to fuck their ancestors. And to everyone who has come out, go you, 'cause you are making a difference, small or large as it may be, in this world.


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