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Doug

April 1997

Well, here I am, actually sitting at my computer and writing a column. I kept telling myself that I was going to do this, and tonight (actually, this morning. It's 12:06 AM) I'm doing it! Anyway...

Here's the deal: I'll make this a "get-to-know-me" column, and then in later months I'll get interesting. Okay? Good. Well, for starters, I'm a gay (wow, imagine that!) junior in high school in the Middle Atlantic region. I'm not "out," hence my geographical paranoia. I'm not going to wallow endlessly in self-pity about this (at least not this month), so it's okay to read onward without fear of death by tedium. Of course, there's always the danger of my mind being overrun by hormones, causing me to start typing about all the "really cute guys" without end, but I'll try hard to make sure that doesn't happen.

What else, what else? Oh, personal beliefs! This should be fun. I'm bound to get at least a few people mad. Basically, I believe in reason as the sole cognitive faculty of human existence (huh? most people are asking at this point). What does that mean? It means that I reject any claim to supernatural knowledge, like God, religion, CBS ever becoming popular with young people again (see, I can be funny!), et cetera. So, I'm an atheist, (I hate religion, but not God, because I can't hate what doesn't exist) a capitalist, et al. I've been most heavily influenced by Ayn (rhymes with "mine") Rand, a novelist and philosopher. Enough of that. If anyone really cares about anything you just read, e-mail me.

I'm in spring break right now, which is good, because I'm sick of school. I want it to be June so badly. Over this two week period, I have to memorize close to 40 sentences in Spanish for a presentation the Thursday I go back to school, plus finish research for a term paper for English class and write most of the damn thing, plus work, plus do some community service for my 40 hour graduation requirement! Some break.

I'm going to switch gears now and talk about "coming out" (I haven't broken my "no hormone induced writing" rule yet!). For me, it's an odd situation, but then again it is for most people. I've been grappling with the "should I or shouldn't I?" question for a while now, and I still haven't come up with any satisfactory answer. I've come out to a couple close friends (a guy and a girl), and (surprise!) the girl took it better than the guy. I'd like to hear from people who have come out to both guys and girls to see which gender, in their experience, take the news better. It's my theory that girls do, but I really have no idea why. Anyway, that's the extent of my coming out escapades. One thing: I think, no, I know, that my parents suspect my "gayness", but they haven't done or said anything directly. More insinuations than anything else, but it's enough to keep me on alert. The problem arises because I really don't know how they would handle a confirmation of their suspicions. No, better to wait until I'm out of the house.

Anybody else looking forward to the coming out episode of "Ellen"? I know I am. Have you heard about Jerry Falwell massing a campaign against the episode? I think he's a ridiculous old man myself. That's another reason why I hate religion. It has people like him as spokespeople.

One more thing: I've noticed that many writers for Oasis have "name-the-lyric" contests, so, not to be left out, I'm starting one too. Here is this month's quote:

"If I could be anything
in the world that flew
I would be a bat
come swooping after you"

Difficult? Good! The first person to e-mail me with the correct information will get acknowledgment from me. No prizes, just the satisfaction of knowing something completely worthless. What is the information? I'll take any two of these: song title, band, album, or singer. Okay? And if nobody gets it, maybe I'll knock the requirement down to one. Good luck!

Hope I haven't bored you to tears. And look! The end of the column and my hormones didn't break through! That's a good sign. Until next month, take care.


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