The other day I got an E-mail from someone who had viewed my homepage. She was upset about a statement that I had made somewhere on my page which says something to the effect of "Being gay or lesbian has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with love and emotional connection." See, she said that not only was that not true as sex is at least one major component in sexual orientation but also that I was being completely irresponsible to the global community by not recognizing and acknowledging that. In fact, she went as far as to say that I was not allowing anyone to learn anything because I was not telling all of the truth about what it means to be gay or lesbian. So, not being one to be "irresponsible" or wanting to disappoint and despite the fact that we in the lgbt community normally don't like to talk about such matters publicly, I decided to give the world a glimpse of what really goes on in a lesbian's home. WARNING: This may not be suitable for those easily offended.
The day before Valentine's Day: The alarm went off at 6:30am like it always does. I reluctantly rolled over and cut off the annoying noise. I went back to sleep. My wife got out of bed at around 7am, as is her habit and jumped into the shower. I continued to sleep. Jamie (my wife) made some coffee, got dressed, made her lunch, and brushed her hair. I slept.
At around 7:45 Jamie came back into our bedroom, laid down on the bed next to me and hugged me and kissed me before she had to leave. I told her to be careful, have a good day, and to call me, as is my daily habit. Then, she left, making sure to lock the door behind her. I went back to sleep.
Then, around 9:15 the phone rings. I rolled over and picked up the cheap phone we have beside the bed. It was Jamie, who always calls me around that time. We talked for a few minutes until she had to go fix someone's computer. (Jamie is a computer technician at a local college.)
So, I got up and fixed myself some breakfast...a blueberry bagel with cream cheese. While I was eating, I turned on the TV and then the computer and checked my two E-mail accounts, answering the messages that needed to be answered. That took at least an hour.
I then looked around the apartment and noticed how dirty it was. So, I got up and started cleaning up the dining room which had been cluttered with my craft stuff. I wanted to have a clean house for Valentine's Day. So, I cleaned the dining room, the living room, the bedroom, did two loads of laundry, vacuumed the whole house, and cleaned the bathroom. When the laundry was done, I folded it all and put it away. That took several hours of my day.
So, when I was done, I took a shower and wrapped my hair up in a towel. I called Jamie because I missed hearing her voice. When I got off the phone with her, I checked my most used E-mail account again, emailed a few friends and did some other stuff on-line. Then, not long before it was time for Jamie to come home, I wrote her a poem for Valentine's Day.
Jamie got home kind of late. She told me that she had to work late. When she finally got home, she gave me my Valentine's Day gift early. She hadn't been working late, but had been working on my gift. See, she had been listening to me when I told her that I wanted to get more stuff on the walls and I had heard this cool decorating tip about framing the stuff that you love. So, knowing me so well, she found the lyrics to one of my favorite Melissa Etheridge songs and had a friend of hers (a desk top publisher in her department) to print it off for her. Then, she went to the store and bought a frame and a border for it. Then, she sat in the mall food court cutting out the border so that it would be all ready for me when she got home. Of course, I cried because it was such a sweet gift. Then, she told me that she had also taken the next day (Valentine's Day) off to be with me.
We nuggled for a few minutes on the couch and Jamie told me how good the house looked. Then we decided that it was time to make some dinner. Jamie made me a wonderful dinner and then did the dishes. Then, we nuggled on the couch some more and talked and watched some TV until it was time to go to bed. Then, we went to bed and talked for a few minutes before falling asleep.
So, "Where's the steamy sex scene?" you might be asking. There isn't one. Gay and lesbian couples are just like straight couples. We don't have sex everyday. We have many more things in common, many more things that we enjoying doing together. Just as with straight couples, sex is simply a way for us to express our love for one another.
See, what this (I'm sure) well meaning straight woman seems to be missing is that we are who we are because we are that person. Let me say this is a easier to understand way: I am a lesbian because of who I am, not because of who I love. Being a lesbian to me means that I emotionally and romantically connect with other women. Despite popular belief, romantic feelings do not have to have anything to do with sex at all. People can have sex without any romantic feelings and have romantic feelings without having sex.
I do not believe, as I told this woman, that we in the lgbt community have to talk about our sex lives publicly in order to prove that we are in fact lesbian/gay/bi or to be responsible in our quest to educate the world about what it really means to be gay/lesbian/bi. As far as I'm concerned, stating that we have sex is just stating the obvious. We're human, sexual creatures so have sex about as much as straight couples do. But, there is one difference. When Joe Public sees a young straight couple in love, walking down the street, holding hands, kissing, hugging, maybe even touching each other's butts on occasion, he thinks "Oh, how cute. I remember how it feels to be in love like that." However, the next day, at the same place, the same time, the same Joe Public sees two women or two men doing nothing more than holding hands while they walk down the street and thinks "That's so sick! Why do they have to flaunt what they do in their bedroom in public like that? It's disgusting and I shouldn't have to look at it!" Joe Public has fallen pry to the stereotype that gays/lesbians/bi's are only "that way" because we have unnatural sexual feelings for people of the same sex. What Joe Public doesn't get, but needs to, is that we feel romantic feelings for people of the same sex. We feel for the same gender what straight people feel for the opposite gender. It is only difference is the gender of the person we feel those feelings for.
The problem in our society is that when Joe Public looks at a gay or lesbian couple, he ONLY sees what they do in their bedroom, while Mr. Public only sees love when he looks at a straight couple. We as a society do not define heterosexuals by what they do in their bedroom, but we do define homosexuals by what we do in ours. It's not only unfair, it's uneducated and ignorant and I will NOT fall pry to it. In fact, that is exactly what I hope to teach people through these articles and through my homepage....gays and lesbians are humans with the entire gambit of feelings that all other humans have. We love, we break up, we commit for life and make it work, and yes, we do have sex. But this does NOT make us who we are. We are whole, complete people with a thousands things that make us who we are. We are writers, artists, construction workers, congress persons, lovers, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, friends, fathers, mothers, partners, and anything else that any human can be. And, if we're really lucky, we get what every human wants...to be happy.