April 1997

Alright, I just finished writing a column that was utterly stupid. Your facade will be back at its regularly scheduled time next month, but I'm really bitter right now because the person I have held in high regard for upwards of six years now has just shown to have been brainwashed into disliking me by others...

Anyway, my old column was lost and the surrogate column sucked and I'm still here, so I've just done this little bit to avoid cheapness. Come back next month--I WILL NOT STAND FOR MEDIOCRITY.

So, I'd just like to get this over with and thank the winner of my contest last month who guessed that the song was "Candy Says" by the Velvet Underground. Doug Yule sings lead. I'll send you a banana sticker as soon as I mail you.

This is the lyric for this month, picked in description of my situation and which also ranks as one of the 10 greatest songs EVER... Just tell me the singer, the song, and possibly the album for leech points. If you tell me the name of the lead guitarist for most of the album, I'll give you something else, too. Send it all to yggdrasil@null.net.

You walk on past
Your lips cut a smile on your face (your scalding face)
To the cage, to the cage
He was a beauty in a cage
Too high a price to drink rotting wine from your hands (your fearful hands)
Get me to a doctor I've been told someone's back in town the chips are down I just cut and blackout and I'm under Japanese influence and my honor's at stake
The weather's grim
Ice on the cages
Me, I'm Robin Hood and I puff on my cigarette
Panthers are stealing, stalking
If you don't stay tonight
I would take that plane tonight
I've nothing to lose, nothing to gain
I'll kiss you in the rain
Kiss you in the rain
Kiss you in the rain
In the
Get me to a doctor
Get me off the streets (get some protection)
Get me on my feet (get some direction)
Your hot air gets me into a blackout
Get some protection
While the street's blocked off
Getting some skin exposure to the
Get a second, second rhythm vice-

That's it. Matthieu says, "no more." [Frankie GTH reference]

***Matthieu can be reached at yggdrasil@null.net. He tends to blame everything on an old 1982 vinyl copy of the Cars' _Candy-O_ when stressed, so Rick Ocasek's taking a lot of heat this month. Next month, this column will be less trite and make more references to the Germans and the Rocky Horror Picture Show.***

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