June 1997

Recently I got a haircut and that's what brought upon the topic of this column. To be honest, I'm not sure if this, the way I feel, really has a name.

I'm a very butch person. I've been called 'sir' a million times and 'may I help you young man' a million more times. My mother cringes every time this happens and my father just smiles and tries to ignore it. As crazy as it sounds, I take it as a compliment.

I get mad at myself sometimes because I always have to get my hair cut short, shop in the men's department at the clothing store and act real macho and carry myself like a man.

I look at myself in the mirror and I see back a crazy female that can't bear to have her hair shoulder length and is able to throw-away the polo shirts for the pink turtle necks.

I know by now your all thinking "oh, for god's sake, be proud of who you are and quit complaining."

Trust me though, it's not that easy. Every little thing makes me feel guilty and I feel very guilty about being different and making my parents uncomfortable. Pretty stupid, huh?

I guess the main thing of this column is that I wish I wasn't so different and I wish that I could let myself be more mainstream.

I hope that when you read this column you can relate or at least imagine what I'm saying.

[About the Author]

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