June 1997

.Hi there, let's pretend this ISN'T my first column, OK?

Well, I shaved my head this weekend. People were surprised, but got over it. I think it's "me." It's kind of crazy and fun. I'm real crazy, but also smart, insightful, and philosophical. Like my mom's boyfriend said, it's not like I'm making a statement, it's like an "anti-statement"...like saying "don't make a statement" and I agree and think it's kind of cool.

OK, here are my tips on being happy:

1) Don't get caught up in routine. You have to keep things new and exciting. If you're not having fun while you're here, why are you here? Try something crazy. What works for me: shave your head; wear a banana around your neck to school; sing and dance in the cafeteria at school. Those are just a few, come up with some of your own!

2) Be yourself. Why live your life for other people? I can't even tell you what a difference it makes letting go and being yourself. Maybe even come out of the closet! Everyone always says "Coming out of the closet isn't for everyone. Some people are better off waiting." Screw that. If you're gay, don't let people think you're straight. Me, I don't wear a sign around, but I don't pretend I'm straight, either. I'm just me.

3) Spend some time with yourself, finding out who you are. You don't just know. Try actually sitting in your room alone (no TV) and just thinking. Or do this freewriting thing (that I'll talk about later).

Well, I'm graduating high school a year early (why? because school is a pathetic joke, and I don't want to spend a second more in that hell-hole than I have to to get to college -- more about how school is bullshit later). To graduate early, I have to take classes at the local college (OCC), and I just started my first one. It's just Composition I, but the teacher's really cool, and -- brace yourself -- he actually encourages free thought and expression! That's a hell of a lot more than I can say for my "teachers" at high school. We did this thing in the class called freewriting. You sit down, and start writing -- maybe with a topic in mind, maybe not -- but you HAVE to write whatever comes into your mind. And for however long the time is, you HAVE to keep writing. If you can't think of anything, you can just write "I can't think of anything" over and over. It's sort of a tangible manifestation of your thoughts, and I think it's neat-o mosquito. Try it sometime.

Today in science, I was sitting on the floor talking with my friends, Amanda, Jessy, and Linette. I'm a VERY open person, and so are they, and we were talking about some unusual stuff: anal sex, queefing, ...well, actually we were mostly talking about sexual stuff. The point is, I wasn't censoring what I was saying, and anyone listening to the conversation (as I think about five people around us were, though they didn't hide it as well as I think they think they did) could easily figure out I'm gay. But I didn't care, I was just talking freely. The point is, I've come a long way and the new-found freedom rocks the house.

Well, my friend Kendra, knowing how desperate for sex -- err, a meaningful relationship -- I am, is trying to hook me up with her friend Brandon. She called me with him on 3-way and suddenly "had to go." So I was sitting on the phone with him with nothing to say. To sum it up, I think he's kind of annoying even though he thinks I'm cute, have a good voice, and am pretty cool. So, I feel bad letting him down, but I'm really not interested.

OK, here are two cool phrases: neat-o mosquito, and stinkin' thinkin' (courtesy of Stuart Smalley). Try using them tomorrow. Ex: Susie says "Man, today's really gonna suck!" and Billy replies "Now that's just stinkin' thinkin'...I think today's gonna be neat-o mosquito!"

By the way, I speak French, German, and Russian (very into linguistics) so if you want to write me any of those languages, go for it! I kind of don't like trying to do Russian in Roman alphabet, but I'll manage.

By the way, the second part of Dr. Jay's column in the March, '97 issue is me, so if you want to know who I'm referring to when I talk about Lucas, read that, K?

Well, I could write a lot more, but I'll spare you...'till next time....Auf wiedersehen! Au revoir! Do svidaniya! Good-bye!

[About the Author]

©1997 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.